[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by ree-Xi

ARGH!! There is so much wrong with all of this, and not just a "writer" who doesn't know the difference between "your" and "you're". Adding onto/repeating some of the other feedback:

As a sometimes-writer (trained and paid), you are ignoring the basic rule for (especially first time) writers: write what you know. You have no knowledge of Greek life, and no apparent knowledge of Catholicism, the two "worlds" of your main characters.

Second, "research" done on the internet doesn't count. Usually, writers will immerse themselves in various elements, conduct personal interviews, spend time with real people who embody some of the characters traits/jobs/hobbies. For example, to learn how crimes are investigated, talk to police detectives. To learn more about how a Catholic priest "works", spend some time learning about what his daily life is like (I'm not sure if you know anything about Catholic priests, because a priest is not going to be intimidated by a bunch of college girls. He's ordained as a vessel of God - he will not lack confidence in the sense that you are intimating).

Third, you are forcing two worlds together. You have not found a NATURAL intersection of worlds. Gimmicks are cheap and easily seen through. You know one when you see one.

Fourth, you have no idea where your story is headed. You can't just start to write "It was a dark and stormy night". Until you know where you are going, you can't start "at the beginning". There is no point B, so you can't have a point A.

Fifth, can you sum up the story in a few sentences? It's called a "pitch". Look it up.

I had a long day yesterday and my brain is fried. I'm up way too early and had too little sleep. You obviously haven't done your homework (in terms of how to write, or your intended subject matter). Until you do, you likely will not have success with this endeavor. Take the advice or leave it - after all, we are only strangers on the internet who took the time to give you honest feedback.

PS. Take a class or two in writing. Find some books on how to write for reading/film/tv. There are some very subtle differences, as well as some major ones. Also look into the industry standard on marketing your writing.

ree-Xi, I just read you siggy...I had to chuckle. Nice!