[newbie]

So it's been final for a few days now. I'm an official Trojan, as you all probably know.

Anyhow, each day I'm doubting my decision more and more. No doubt about it though -- I'm so proud to be a Trojan -- but it's just, I wonder if I made the right decision.

I know that where I go to college essentially shapes the rest of my life. I'll be a different person going to USC. I'll meet different people, form different beliefs, probably even take on different professions (will explain that later). I just wonder if I've done the right thing?

I mean, it's just that I feel horrible because everyone in my family -- with the exception of my cousin and his family -- is vehemently against my decision. Even my father, now. It will be such a financial sacrifice for me to attend USC. And each passing day I feel more and more guilty because my parents/grandparents/aunts tell me, "Oh, so-and-so passed up Berkeley to take on a full scholarship at State. Why couldn't you have done that??? But no, you chose USC. You don't even think about the family. All you think about is yourself. But look at so-and-so. She chose State. Why couldn't you have?" And my parents tell me, time and time again, "You have to realize...we're only allowing you to go to USC because you love it so much. Otherwise there's no reason for us to let you go there."

And of course there's my sister. Not only does she hate me right now (I'm not kidding...we're not speaking), but everyone in my family says to my parents (who then tell me), "Your first daughter was so good. She turned down good private schools to go to a UC." And my parents are like, "Yeah, she's the good daughter who thought about people other than herself."

And I just wonder...have I made the right decision? Because not only will my family have to make major sacrifices, I will have to, too. So many things that I could do at Davis, I can't at USC. I mean, I think in the long run it's well worth it -- I will be/am so proud of being a Trojan -- but I just wonder, ya know? In fact, I will probably have to change my major from Psych to a more money-making one. My parents are intent on forcing me to do something else. They said, "Since we're letting you go to USC, you better major in something that will help you pay off the loans. Why the hell would you go to USC to study psychology and education? You can do that at State."

I mean, long time ago, I had already vowed to myself that if I were to choose 'SC, I would work my butt off to prove to everyone that it's indeed worth it. But now, everyone in my family's telling me, "You had better get great grades there. Or else we'll kill you." I mean, I know that I have the capability to do well at 'SC. In the past, I've set goals and reached them. But then, college's different, and I wonder...will I make it? Will I be able to make everyone proud? Will I be able to make everyone -- including myself -- finally believe that all this sacrifice and investment is worth it?

So I guess I'm doubting my decision...but on the other hand, I think to myself, "Had I chosen Davis, I wouldn't be as proud and satisfied as I am now that I have chosen the Trojans."