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I went through the same thing when I pledged many years ago. My chapter was the smallest and the least popular (for a lack of a better word) on campus. I totally second-guessed myself but there was no going back. My mother told me that I'd made the right choice and to be patient. Well, I am NOT a patient person by nature. There were a lot of problems with my chapter but not the sisters--they were and are the best people I know. I did some things at the time that I am not proud of. It was no secret that I was unhappy and talked about quitting all the time. BUT I DIDN'T.
Fast forward a few years. Guess who are still my most trusted and loving friends? Guess who got me my wonderful job? Guess who has ALWAYS been there as I have suffered with bipolar disorder--you have to be strong to help someone with mental illness. Guess who I can always turn to even after 20 years? You see where I'm going with this don't you?
My sorority has since added three new chapters in that state (I don't live there anymore) and my beloved chapter was reinstated (we closed the chapter while I was still in school). The chapter makes quota, has wonderful young ladies, etc.
I know it is very hard to imagine your life many years from now. But I tell you, my mother was right. I do wish that I'd done a lot of things differently in school (well, hindsight is always 20/20). However, I would absolutely have pledged my sorority again no matter the circumstances.
You have pledged eyeliner. Learn about it; really get to know your sisters. Get to know your advisers. Understand the way things are done and why. Befriend eyeliners from other schools. Get to know the women who wrote your recs (we are sponsored so I would talk to my sponsor from time to time about problems). If I had done a better job of this back then, I probably would have been happier.
I believe in my sorority and my sorority believes in me--even now. I chose Delta Gamma over the other sorority I preffed just as you chose eyeliner. In our hearts, the choices were the right ones. Cue happy ending.
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