Hey everyone!
So sorry I didn't reply sooner. I spent the last few days of last week in blissful SoCal
. And I won't keep the suspense any longer...my mother has OKed me to go to
USC 
!! I am so excited!!
FIGHT ON TROJANS!!
But first let me back up. These past few days have been so difficult, and I am so glad that as of now, I've had a positive outcome emerge from it. I basically gave up after the first fin aid notice, in which my family was expected to pay 35 K a year. But my dad, who's known for his persistence, encouraged me to keep on trying. He got all of the documents together, talked to teh fin aid representative, while I nervously fidgeted, thinking, "Oh my god. Part of my future is determined right now, right here." Just a week ago, I thought that my chance of becoming a USC Trojan was basically over. I was prepared to go to the fin aid meeting with nothing coming out of it. But I was very, VERY pleasantly surprised, as were my parents.
Unfortunately, though, the fin aid package was/is still not enough. And that is where all the drama emerged. It was just so frustrating because everyone in my whole extended family (and mind you, I have a huge extended family) except for my dad and my uncle and cousin decided that I should go to Davis, because of financial reasons. And right now, actually< I still feel like an outcast because many of my family members are saying stuff like, "Yeah, her sister was so good...not only going to an inexpensive school but also a great school at that, too." But right now I'm feeling much more settled. This morning was basically where I let everything out, and just told my mom, while sobbing, why I NEEDED to go to USC and why I just didn't think that a UC could do it for me. When I went to the SC open house on Saturday (and when visiting on Friday, too), there was just something about SC that just reaffirmed my whole reason for loving it so much. EVeryone there is just so spirited about SC, and I just loved the personal, caring attention I got from not only the SC staff and faculty, but also the students themselves (and these weren't students hired by the university to represent them...they were random ppl I stopped on the street). It was simply amazing. I wanted so badly to just buy a USC sweatshirt and a bumper sticker and a binder, etc. etc. But I had to stop myself because nearly everybody -- especially my mom -- was vehemently against me going to SC.
Flash forward to today. I got back home to the Bay Area and was completely dreading going home, bc I had to face my mother and heavy decision making to do. I was so frustrated at her for the longest time because she was basically telling me the same things that my sister fed her -- that "USC isn't worth the money...UCLA's still better than USC...UC system is more worth the money..." I felt like screaming at the top of my lungs that I am not my sister and that she had to stop thinking that the UC system, which is great for my sister b/c she likes the anonymity of a huge school, is right for me. Then I just rushed to my room and sobbed because I thought that this was the end of my USC story. I would be isolating myself from my mom if I chose SC (due to finances), but would also be denying my own feelings for SC.
then a miracle happened. my mother told me that I could go to SC. I was so elated, but also so sad, because my mother told me, while crying, that she wanted me to go there only because she could tell how much I love the school, and bc since I love the school so much I will prolly do really well there. She and I both cried for a long time because we (my parents and I) will both have to sacrifice so much for me to attend SC. My dad really wants me to go to SC, while my mom doesn't. My mom said that she will have to take things day by day, just so I can attend SC.
I know that I'm causing myself and my family tons of heartache finance-wise by choosing SC. BUt I just had to follow my heart, which told me that there was something in SC that I just had to pursue. I still feel so guilty about my choice, though elated about finally becoming a Trojan. I feel like I have cheated my parents out of a comfortable life...and I know that had I chosen Davis, I would have such an easy life compared to what my life will be at SC.
But, in the end, I think it will all be worth it. To hold the SC diploma in my hand, to know that my Trojan experience is really something so special that only USC grads and students have experienced...I think it'll all be worth it. I'm just hoping that somehow, some way my parents (and me) will be blessed financially in the near future.
Well, I must go to write a term paper (sigh). Anyway, I'm so sorry if I sound both elated and sad at the same time...deep down in my heart, I know this is the right decision for myself, but I'm also wondering why I'm being so selfish to my parents -- especially my mother...i'm just hoping that when I graduate from SC in Spring of 2006, that she will realize that all we will have sacrificed will have been indeed worth it.
I'm hoping.
It's weird how much I've grown in just the past few days. I've finally realized just how MUCH my parents love me, and how much they're sacrificing for me just so I can attend a school that they don't really like. (My dad likes it, especially because he sees how happy I was while on campus, but my mom, as you know, hates it.)
Will write back soon! FIGHT ON Amycat and Steeltrap!!!