Hello all...I have been reading all of your posts over the last few days and have not responded until now. I am a recent alumna of Bama so I think I know how the system works.
It is not hard for OOS or anyone to get a rec, and yes it is definitely needed. However, some girls (especially from in state) come into recruitment thinking they don't need one and that they have this in the bag because they know an active. A girl from my hometown did that this year, even though I tried to warn her and help her get recs from many houses, she didn't listen and got dropped (her focus too was on a particular Old Row house, another mistake putting all your eggs in one basket). As much as I love her, it's her own fault and I told her not to come crying to me. For OOS PNMs ignorance is not an excuse. Just as someone else said, you do plenty of research when choosing a school, you need to do the same thing when going Greek, especially if it is something that means a lot to you. It is also good to go over and above expectations, just to be sure. By the way, do a simple Google search of the Alabama Greek System and you will know exactly what you are getting yourself into.
Contact info for each chapter and alumnae chapter is is clearly written on the Panhellenic website. All you have to do is write, call or email asking someone to write a letter for you, and I don't personally know of any chapter that refuses to write one because they don't know the girl or they are OOS (they might write a bad one if they don't like you, but don't refuse). I do not personally know or have even met any of the girls I wrote letters for this year. I even helped a girl I didn't know get rec letters for two other sororities on campus, and also for a PNM at a different school where my sorority doesn't have a chapter. Most alumnae are very excited to help out in any way possible. Perhaps it could be stressed more on the website and at Panhellenic Weekend that recs are needed/required. I believe that a PNM should have at least a 3.0 to sign up, but that's just me. Grades are very important. Greek women at UA have consistently held a higher GPA that independent women for many years now.
To people who did not go to Bama and do not understand the need for recs or think our way of doing things are extreme, let me explain something to you...this year was a lean year for Bama, only around 1400 girls showed up. Usually it is 1600+. It is my understanding that at some schools quota is 5 with maybe 6 sororities, but here its usually in the 80s and we have nearly 20. Have you ever had to have one-on-one conversations with 1600 girls? No. There is no way in 15 minutes that I can decide if a PNM should become my sister. Drastic cuts have to be made in order for us to have the time to get to know everyone. So something that to other Greek systems would not be an issue, it can be a make or break thing at a high competition school like Bama. It is very intense on the other side of recruitment too. I remember last year there were many times that I could not remember a girls name, where she was from or what she even looked like, from the time I said good-bye to her at the door, sang our good-bye song and the doors were shut. We are up before dawn and stay up past midnight working, have to be peppy and sing and dance for hours on end in heels, remember all of our history, what we can and cannot say, and try to sell our sorority so girls want to join....not to mention the never ending work week that happened the week before. We need other people to give us information on them to help us decide if she is a good fit for us. Who would you want to keep? A girl who has multiple letters to verify information her her application and sent in everything and more required so you actually know something about her, or a girl who only submitted her application, maybe a photo, and the active who talked to her during open house thinks she kinda remembers that the PNM was "ok", but she maybe confusing her with someone else? You are going to choose the least risk. I am sorry if that sounds harsh, but it is the truth. With that many girls coming through, you need to do everything possible to stand out in the crowd.
I feel bad for the moms who are so upset about their daughters not getting picked. I am not going to lie, if this was something she really wanted, it is not going to get much better for her after school starts. Her freshman year will be filled with girls wearing their shirts, letters and talking non-stop about how great it is to be a XYZ. While it will be an uphill climb, if she wants to rush again in the fall she needs to meet and become friends with as many people in the Greek system (guys and girls), go to their parties, be their dates to games, network as much as possible. The upperclassman quota will help her out, but the truth is I know of many people who do just as I just said above and decide that they are not going to rush because they have all the benefits of being Greek and not having to pay
And to the girls who only pref one house when they have more choices...STUPID IDEA! Even if you don't exactly feel that house is perfect for you, you need to at least give it a chance. I know of many girls who are very happy where they are now and didn't think on Bid Day they were matched to the right house. A lot of those feelings on Pref Night is just because you are upset that the house you wanted dropped you, and unfortunately you are the one who messed things up for yourself. I know they say it every year and girls roll their eyes, but you ALWAYS end up where you are supposed to be, even if it is somewhere you least expected it.
My biggest advice to PNMs is do your research and maximize all of your options. If you get matched great, if not you will still make friends and have memories to last a lifetime.