Quote:
Originally Posted by perfectinpurple
I really was just trying to encourage her...KSUViolet, I respect your opinion and I understand why you made those statements, but I was just trying to be encouraging... I'm just optomistic by nature I suppose. I never thought I was giving any sort of false hope, just stating that in my opinion I think she'll do pretty well, and that she shouldn't worry so much about something so superficial as her weight.
|
Your intentions are sweet, but the problem is how a PNM might perceive the actual words we use when they are only meant as encouragement. Think of it like when you were going through Recruitment on the other side as an active. You cannot tell a PNM "I'll see you tomorrow." Maybe this is just your regular way of saying good-bye and you had zero intention of even suggesting she might get an invite/bid.
But to a PNMs ears they think "OMG! She said she is going to
SEE me tomorrow! That must mean she totally loves me and I'm a lock for an invite/bid!" Next day she's crushed because she's been dropped, thinks you are a horrible person who lied to her, and maybe takes it so far as to file a grievance with Panhellenic. All over simple word choice.
The same logic applies to giving well wishes and encouragement to PNMs. You shouldn't say "You'll do great!" because you simply don't know how she will do, especially when we're talking about some random person on the internet. Worst case scenario she does lousy and gets angry because all these so-called knowledgeable people on GC told her she'd do great. To her "great" meant getting a bid to the Chapter of her dreams and that didn't happen.
A better way of offering support would be something simple and non-committal like "Best of Luck".