Also, keep in mind generational things. We had a struggle about this during the wedding invite addressing . I am really bothered when I don't get my own first name on things and most of the people I run with (granted we're crazy liberals
), but my mom has no qualms about being "Mrs. DadFirstname DadLastname" and nor do most of her friends. I'm just bothered by it because it means "John Doe and Wife of John Doe". Which kinda bothers me because I have an identity outside of being "Wife of John Doe".
So we kinda struck a compromise. Most of my friends I addressed as
"Mary and John Doe".
and my parents friends I largely addressed as
"Mr and Mrs John Doe".
Because I'm a hyphenated last name now, and the first part of my last name is higher alphabetically, I usually get prime of place on the envelopes.
"Phoenix Maiden-HusbandLast"
and
"Husband HusbandLast"
What I love in Britain is getting to use professional initials after your name. After graduation you can use your academic credentials in correspondence, so I use "Phoenix Maiden-HusbandLast, MLit" when appropriate. Some people have a real alphabet soup after their name..."Sir Joe Schmoe, OBE (order of the British empire), ARA (Associate of the Royal Academy), AMA (associate of the museums association), BA(hons), MPhil, PhD. Generally, you only pull out the full litany for super formal situations or for writing references, and shorten it for the situation in other cases (Sir Joe Schmoe, OBE) .