[Urbane]

You have to do what’s best for you but I’m all for shacking up. Now, I don’t have statistics.. all I have are my experiences and what worked for me. So… putting my bidness out there… my man and I date for 3 years starting in college, lived together for 1 yr(ringless), got engaged and lived together for another yr, and now have been married for almost 3 years. Again, what worked for me and mine, may not work for anyone else.

Personally, I would do it all again. I learned not only about my future husband but I also learned about myself and that I had some unrealistic ideas about marriage. I had these standards with roles and responsibilities based on other successful/unsuccessful marriages that I had been exposed to. What’s good for the goose isn’t always good for the gander. Whether folks see it as a dry run, playing married or what have you. So be it. I didn’t go into it giddy and not knowing my man’s intentions. We did have “the conversation(s)” so I knew where his head was at. Now, we didn’t go as far as one bank account etc. but we learned how to share space and took note of how bills were handled.

My take on getting to see the true person… there are just some things that you would never find out about until you live together. And if you did see them, can you take seeing it all the time? Is that person willing to compromise knowing it bothers you or do you just have to suck it up? I have a toothpaste story of my own… except I’m the middle-squeezer. Solution, we now use Mentadent toothpaste in the pump.. you press the top and that's it!

Lastly, as someone who has lived together before and after marriage, there is a difference. I can’t really put it into words but I know it goes beyond your living arrangement... you just FEEL married. Almost like a rebirth of the relationship cause it doesn’t start the day you say I do.