[DaemonSeid]

Originally Posted by MTSUGURL

My boyfriend and I had been dating for about 4 months when he lost his job. (We've known each other for 20 years and had dated for 5 months a little over a year ago, but that's a story for another day.) For a while we didn't go out. At all. We would cook dinner at one of our homes, but that was it. He became pretty depressed for a few weeks, so leaving the house just didn't happen. After a few weeks we started doing things like going to the park on warmer days (here in Tennessee it gets up to 70 one day in January, then the next is 35 degrees.) I finally just said, "Look, you've spent lots of money on me over the past few years, you need to let me do some nice things for you too. I need for us to go out some." So he's finally started letting me pick up the check sometimes whether it's dinner, going to a movie, or going to see a show. We don't go out much at all because he still feels strongly that he should be picking up the bill, but we go out as often as we can without him feeling like he's "doing his job to take care of me." (His words.) I figure, I'm not dating him because I want someone to spend money on me. I'm dating him first because I liked him, then because I'm in love with the guy and want to spend time with him, and now because we care deeply for each other and see a future together.

We're talking about getting married, and the way I see it at this point we're not just dating for the heck of it, so we can practice taking care of each other now. I appreciate it when he spends money on me, but it's not necessary and I think it's only fair that he allows me to do nice things for him as well.

Some back story - I spent a couple of years looking for a full time job and juggling three part time jobs. I still was barely able to make ends meet. During this time, he took me out all the time, cooked for me, etc. There are no tabs kept, and I don't feel like I have to "repay" him, but I do think that it's unfair for a man to have to dish out all the money after you've established that you're heading for marriage, and I think it's selfish for women to expect them to when the man is experiencing financial hardship.

That is a realistic story and I appreciate it very much.

That 'male pride' thing sometimes really gets in the way of us men having a good relationship.

He is really thankful for having an understanding person how doesn't mind picking up some of the load and sharing.