[AOEforme]

Originally Posted by swtlilsoni

hmm well I have a question for you
what about people who dont accept bids? Is that not okay?

It's fine to not accept a bid: It's when the person doesn't accept the bid and (1) they haven't given the sororities a chance and (2) they complain about why they haven't been given a bid.

I dropped out of formal my freshman year. I felt lost in the sea of goregeous blondes and wasn't even sure I wanted to be in a sorority. (I honestly didn't think it was right for me. I felt really uncomfortable with every chapter on campus.) So trust me, I'm not judging you for dropping out of formal and looking for alternate recruitment routes. It's what I did... but my reasons were quite different. I also (even as a naive freshman) never thought a chapter was beneath me. I never whined and complained about why I hadn't been offered a bid to a good group.

Originally Posted by swtlilsoni

Basically, are you saying that its wrong to not want to join a certain sorority or have preferences among chapters?

Nope: everyone does.... unless you were an idiot like me and had no idea going through recruitment what any of the letters even meant. ("Why the heck does this girl have three triangles on her sweatshirt?").

When I started doing COB, I had preferences. Everyone does. It's (once again) the total dismissal of a group that was offering you a chance to get to know them.

Originally Posted by swtlilsoni

If a girl is in a certain chapter that fits her, are you saying that she would have been just as fine in any of the other ones?
I still feel like there are certain chapters you fit in and certain chapters that arent right for you ..

There are certain chapters you may never fit in: you'll never know if the one you ditched was one of them. Read through the recruitment threads and you'll find dozens upon dozens of women who's minds completely switched at pref party.

And for many more of us (including myself) it wasn't until halfway through the new member period that we knew we were home. It took until my pledge retreat to feel like I really fit in and until my sophomore year to feel 100% at home. Now, I couldn't leave my sisters for anything!

Originally Posted by swtlilsoni

I'm really not trying to argue or anything I'm just trying to understand if by what your saying, you mean any sorority is good for any girl and one can fit in any of them? or are you saying since they think I was a fit they must have been correct?

What I was saying is that:
* ladies from the chapter knew you going in from elsewhere
* You had attended several pre-recruitment events they hosted

And they still offered you an inivite to pref, meaning you would end up somewhere on the bid list. They had a pretty good idea of who you are and they know how the chapter works. I was saying there was a pretty good chance (better than normal) that they were right!

Originally Posted by swtlilsoni

I think what your trying to get at is that the sorority thought I would be right for them so they were probably right..
Well sometimes a girl finds a connection but the sorority eliminates her right? So why is it not okay if a sorority finds a connection but a girl doesnt?

I'm not saying this was the case with you.... but sometimes girls pick sororities by the fact that they mix with the best fraternities, have cute colors, are the pretty ones, etc. That "connection" some of these girls feel is really just a desire to be an ABC. That's why recruitment is mutual.

Originally Posted by swtlilsoni

And those girls that I know .. I know them but it doesnt mean I'm good friends with them. Think back to highschool, didn't you know a bunch of people but you fit in and had a bond with others? I know these girls and I speak to them and see them around every now and then but we never had enough of a connection to become good friends.
And you're probably right that even in my top choice there are going to be a few girls I dont have a bond with .. but does that make it equivalent to another choice in which I haven't found a bond with anyone save one or two in?

Maybe you never had enough of a connection because you felt they were beneath you as you feel their chapter is.

How do you know you'd only have a bond with one or two people in your last choice? How do you know you wouldn't be like that in your first? You have not been in any of the groups in question: you do not know who you will or will not bond with.