[jwright25]

Originally Posted by swtlilsoni

what about people who dont accept bids? Is that not okay?

Personally, no, I don't think that's okay. When you sign an MRABA (pref card, bid card, etc.), you are saying that you will ACCEPT a bid to any chapter listed. So if you get a bid and don't accept it, you are going back on your word. If you know you will refuse a bid, you shouldn't list a chapter. This brings up other issues with ISP'ing (suiciding) and whatnot. I think PNMs should have the right to do that if they want. But I am also for having PNMs give a chapter a chance with their new member period.

Originally Posted by swtlilsoni

Basically, are you saying that its wrong to not want to join a certain sorority or have preferences among chapters?

I don't think that anyone said it is wrong to have preferences. But some believe it is wrong to disrespect a chapter that has issued an invitation to you by not showing up. As others have mentioned, if you had gone back, you might have been preffed by your future BFF or big sis. Just because you hadn't already made a personal connection doesn't mean the potential isn't there. Had you already met and spent time with every single member?

Originally Posted by swtlilsoni

I mean, after attending each party we have to rank the chapters in order of preference .. is that wrong?

No, that is part of the mutual selection process. You rank, and chapters rank. It has to work somehow, and this way works the very best. It is designed to try and create parity amongst the chapters on a campus and keep the already huge from getting bigger. If there is no semblance of parity, chapters will start to fail. Then PNMs are left with fewer options.

Originally Posted by swtlilsoni

If a girl is in a certain chapter that fits her, are you saying that she would have been just as fine in any of the other ones?

Perhaps, perhaps not. That girl will never know, because she's not in that chapter. I think many of the women on GC will attest to the fact that they could have very easily been a member of a different organization on their campus. In fact, I think there are even several threads about this.

Originally Posted by swtlilsoni

I still feel like there are certain chapters you fit in and certain chapters that arent right for you ..

But that is based on observations made during a couple nights of formal recruitment and what you may have heard from other people or briefly observed during fall semester as an outsider. You don't know for a fact whether or not you will fit if you don't give it a chance. It's like brussels sprouts. Other people might think they are nasty. And then when they are placed in front of you, you might think they look unappetizing and smell bad. But until you actually put one in your mouth and chew, you can't honestly say that you don't like brussels sprouts.

Originally Posted by swtlilsoni

I'm really not trying to argue or anything I'm just trying to understand if by what your saying, you mean any sorority is good for any girl and one can fit in any of them? or are you saying since they think I was a fit they must have been correct?

Yes, maybe. Nothing in life or recruitment is black and white. But they saw qualities in you that they were looking for in a new member. You can't say that even you know all of your talents right now. And I would venture to say that most sororities are diverse in their membership. Everyone has scholars, leaders, athletes, partiers, etc. So, yes, any girl who is interested in sorority membership will find a way to fit in with the chapter that finds her worthy of membership.

Originally Posted by swtlilsoni

Well sometimes a girl finds a connection but the sorority eliminates her right? So why is it not okay if a sorority finds a connection but a girl doesnt?

Again, you might not have had the appropriate time or situation to find that connection. They have found one. They are willing to take the chance on you and try to give you the opportunities to make connections through their new member program. I have seen new members bawling on Bid Day because they got their second choice, but then go on to become highly successful leaders of their sorority. Things work out. But it is a two way street - you have to give a little, too.

Originally Posted by swtlilsoni

And those girls that I know .. I know them but it doesnt mean I'm good friends with them. Think back to highschool, didn't you know a bunch of people but you fit in and had a bond with others? I know these girls and I speak to them and see them around every now and then but we never had enough of a connection to become good friends.

And perhaps they have lamented that fact and now want to get to know you better by inviting you to their sorority recruitment functions.

Originally Posted by swtlilsoni

And you're probably right that even in my top choice there are going to be a few girls I dont have a bond with .. but does that make it equivalent to another choice in which I haven't found a bond with anyone save one or two in?

A bond with one or two is a lot more than some people have found in their first choice prior to Preference.

If recruitment was organized in a way such that all PNMs just got to join whoever they wanted, it would be terribly chaotic and uneven. This mutual selection process helps to manage chapter sizes and the Panhellenic system and provide opportunities for most PNMs to find a sorority. Bottom line here is that a chapter decided that you would be a good match to them. Perhaps they saw your leadership skills in an area that they are lacking.

Not necessarily speaking about you here swtlilsoni, but I am a little put off by PNMs who decline invitations to chapters that they deem to be beneath them. If you are so fantastic and have such an awesome leadership background, join this chapter and take a leadership role. If a PNM thinks she knows so much about a chapter and what's wrong with it, she should join and make it better. All chapters are recruiting future leaders.