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Originally posted by undacuva22
I believe their is a very impressionable difference between being with someone four to five times a week and actually living with someone. You could find out how annoying their snorring is, their grooming habits etc. Okay I know that you can see that while you are there the four to five times a week that you are but the difference is this. You mate may be putting up a front when you stay over just to make you think that they are really clean, responsible with the bills, etc. But after a while the barriers break down and their true self comes out and you might then say to yourself that this is not the person u thought that they were...... Same goes for your self, you may turn out to be very controlling or you may snore and he might have thought that it was okay listening to you four days straight in a row but say yall were living together on that fifth day he might decide that he cant take it anymore.
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I think someone else may have already said this but if someone was able to hide these things, then the other person was choosing to see what they wanted or was living in a fantasy land.
I know you were just making an example, but is snoring enough to get a divorce over? Is it enough to disregard all of the more important things which that person brings to your life or your relationship?
Regarding paying bills or financial background, most people don't know the truth because they really don't care to and shacking up only MAKES them pay attention because they live together. If you're really discussing marriage, then it's time to start whipping out bank statements, investment statements, credit reports, bills, etc. And if you don't feel comfortable doing this with the person you're in a SERIOUS relationship with, then you probably shouldn't be talking about marriage.
Regarding petty things, there are certain ways I like to do things in my house that my fiance does differently at his and vice versa. And I can tell you that a part of growing up means you learn that if you are going to MARRY and live with someone, you have to learn that your way isn't necessarily the best or only way. And if you can't accept that, then maybe you need to be on your own for a lot longer. Here's a very, very small example (I'm not lettin' ya'll all up in my business
): my fiance squeezes the toothpaste in the middle, do I tell him to get out or nag him? No, I just squeeze it from the bottom when it's time for me to use it. And how much time and effort did it take? Not enough to not get married over it. And I know he does the same things if it's something he's used to doing that I don't do.
And regarding your example about if you don't know how you will be shacking up with someone, then not only does said person probably not know the person they are shacking up with but need to take a lot of time alone to learn more about themselves as well.
It is impossible to find someone that you will like everything about and if you are searching for it, it's going to be a long journey. However, as long as the most important issues have been agreed upon, i.e. religion, children, finances, values, beliefs, morals, each other's expecatation of marriage, and whatever else is most important to you, then everything else should become minimal and/or nonexistent.