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So I pull on a tank top, a bit of make-up, and a pair of jeans. I was all ready- just going in a tank so I could put my bid day shirt on over it without any issues.
I head over to our meeting place- where I discover everyone already there and lined up. I’m so embarrassed and freaked out- why was I late? Turns out, the time had changed, and I managed to miss the announcement. So I was running 30 minutes late. I was mortified- but bid envelopes hadn’t been handed out yet, so I was okay. Embarrassed, but okay.
After the revealing of our recruitment counselors’ affiliation (my RA was an Elphaba, it turned out!), it was time to hand out the envelopes. We had to place them at our feet and not touch them, so everyone would open them at the same time. It was sitting there, just taunting me as they tortured us with the wait.
Finally, the call came- open your envelopes!
The first thing I noticed were the colors on the crest on the front. They were not the proper colors! I open it…
“The Alpha Kappa* chapter of Nessarose invites you…”
I read it over. I flipped to the front- yep, I didn’t misread it. I look over at Darcy- she got a bid to Elphaba. At that moment, I just felt like sobbing. This was NOT supposed to happen. I was supposed to be an Elphaba- didn’t the girl the night before practically guarantee it? Putting on my best “fake happy” smile, I slowly walk over to our group- there’s very little yelling and screaming going on here, unlike the other groups. I’m watching Darcy, Amanda, and Betty jumping up and down and hugging with their new girls, and I just feel miserable. I put on our shirt. Our now-affiliated again recruitment counselors are trying to pump us up, but it’s not working.
We’re the first group to run out to our new chapters on the lawn. More people start getting excited here, but I just feel alone and separate. I don’t really know anyone, and I don’t see the people I talked to during recruitment. We walk over to our house, where I still feel like crap.
Eventually, I escaped the festivities for a minute and went to the bathroom, where I cried quietly. I was having some fun, but I was hurting so much inside. The girls were nice, but it was really hard for me.
I get into a convo with another girl from our pledge class, and we talk in veiled terms about our unhappiness. We were both shocked.
The house had a sleepover that night, but I chose not to stay (I made up an excuse about dance leveling the next day, and needing a good night’s sleep). Instead, I ran to Darcy’s room, where Betty and Darcy were. I talked to them- they really did calm me down. One of the clearest memories of that day is Betty telling me “You’re still like my sister, no matter if we share the same letters.” That meant a lot to me.
I cried really hard in my room. I was so upset… it was hard. But I’ve always been a strong believer in “Whatever is meant to be, will be, in the long run.” So I decided that this meant one of two things. 1) This is really where I’m meant to be, and I haven’t realized it yet. Or 2) I’m not meant to be in Greek life at all. So I decided to stick with it for the next few weeks.
I’ll update you with the outcome of those few weeks in a day or two.
*Not the real chapter name.
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