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Thank you so much. And of course you're not being pushy optimist prime! Alright, I'm going to try to provide some background info. To a certain extent I'm scared to share things just because I don't want my stupid mistake to affect anything that NBO is attempting to do right now. Basically, the only two potential new members we had with us at DOC were two girls (my age- second year students I mean) who are already my friends. Besides that, I have already gone to parties with them and hung out with them, and we've seen eachother at our worst already. So I didn't feel like I specifically needed to impress them that much. But, regardless of that fact, I should have been more aware of my behavior. Essential our rush (recruitment) event became more like a party than an event, and that didn't look good for us. I should have stopped it or not been so...participatory, but I can't change that now. I'm going to call the DOC president on Monday and just let him know that I'm sorry things got out of hand, and I hope that my specific behavior won't make them think that this is representative of me or NBO as a whole. I don't think the guys were really concerned- I mean, they were having fun, it's not like we invaded their house and they were all anxious for us to leave- but it's important to me that our reputation is thought well of, especially in the beginning. So anyway. This brought up a whole host of other issues, most of which we discussed last night. We've decided that we need a stronger, clearer (as in explicitly clear) constitution and set of goals or objectives. Creating this document is a little overwhelming for us. I suggested we ask Mariko for help, but some of my girls feel like we've been leaning on her too much and they think we can do things independently. I pointed out that if we can do things independently (and do them well) then we wouldn't be having the exact problems we were discussing. Thus, our resolution is to get help creating the constitution and whatnot, and from then on out try to handle our problems on our own. We've also been having some concerns about going national. Part of their concern is that going national will take away some of our individuality, and I think they think that I'm too set on going national at all. I explained to them that I founded NBO with the intent of being an NPC sorority, and plus, I really crave someone (like an advisor or alum or whole organization) above us that we can turn to for help. I don't know what I'm doing any more than they do half the time, and so it's difficult. We decided to see the presentations that sororities offer us, and then go from there. I think they were concerned that the national sororities that came to campus wouldn't fit with our goals or plans, but I would be all obsessed with affiliating and want to proceed with an organization that didn't fit our needs or wants wel. But I don't think that a lifetime membership is something to be toyed with, and so I promised them that if things didn't feel like an excellent match, we wouldn't even consider affiliating. Also, this is an issue that came up. I happen to be the only white girl in my sorority. We only have seven members, so it's not a huge deal. But sometimes the racial makeup of our group does affect things. Some of the girls were saying that they were worried about affiliating with an NPC sorority, because what if we go to like a conference or to visit other chapters or something and they're the only non-white girls. They were thinking that maybe a multicultural statewide organization would be better for us. I explained to them that it would be the same way for me then, because in general (from what I've seen of the organizations we're refering to) multi-cultural doesn't mean white. So it's this wierd issue that no one thinks should be an issue but is. It's also frustrating because I took alot of care to choose organizations that had an emphasis on bringing together people from different backgrounds, or those who didn't just feature white girls on their websites, etc. So I'm not sure how all of that will play out. I didn't even realize that it could be an issue I guess, but I think sometimes I feel left out just because of stuff like this. Like, last night, everyone was having this conversation about their heritage and how they're so proud of it, and who's mom and dad came from where, and Mexicana traditions, and I was just sorta...there. Sometimes when some of them get really excited they speak in Spanish and then I have no clue what's going on. This doesn't happen all the time, and if I express myself it stops, but on the other hand, I don't want my sisters to stop having a passionate and important discussion just because my cultural heritage is alot more boring than theirs. I mean, I have background, and I'm proud of my relatives coming from Ireland and all of that, but I don't feel like I can participate sometimes when they're talking about how hard things have been for their families, or how proud they are of these aspects of their culture (ie language or traditions) that their family hangs on to. I haven't experienced alot of that, so I don't have a whole lot to say, but again, I want them to feel comfy talking about things that are obviously important and worthwhile. So I guess I just feel insecure about my place with them sometimes, and that factors out into other things. We also decided to arrange our meetings by Robert's Rules of Order. We need a whole lot more structure, and this seems like the best way to do it. Hopefully this revising of our constitution will help us to also know exactly what everyone's job is, and so no one will be as confused as to who is supposed to do what. I told them that I feel like we divided everyone up for positions and everything because we felt that each person was capable of making independent decisions. Thus, it's hard for me when everything comes back to me to be on top of. But they also pointed out that they don't know what they're doing anymore than I do, so they turn to me because I'm the president and I take on alot of responsibility, and that's who you're supposed to turn to when you have problems or questions. I think my frustration with them always wanting me to help them with everything stems in part from me being frustrated with myself for not being able to help them as much as I feel I should be able to. I think that sort of thing only comes with time though. It's also hard because all of my other non-sorority friends are really supportive. I mean, they're proud of me and what NBO has accomplished, but they don't believe in having sororities or fraternities for one reason or another (lame reasons in my opinion, but to each their own) so it's hard. And when I get frustrated with sorority stuff, I vent to them, and I don't think that's necessarily right. I think that our problems should stay private, but on the other hand, I desperately need to talk things out with less biased people to get an understanding of what's actually happening. All in all, I'm overwhelmed. I think that this really was the lowest we have been, and I do feel a whole lot better now that we've talked so many things through. Something was just off with us, and I feel like now we have some more of the tools to make things on again. Sorry this is like the longest post on earth, and any suggestions or thoughts are DEFINITELY appreciated. More after tonight's event.
love, Corina
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