I am so delusional. I can't believe I made that last post as though everything is just ok. Yes we had fun, most of us. But some of my sisters who showed up later didn't have so much fun, and I feel really bad. Suffice it to say that we previously established some standards of decorum (do's and don'ts if you will) and I screwed them all up. I totally wasn't even thinking at all. I don't know what I was doing, or how I didn't realize that some of the stuff I did wasn't appropriate, but I feel awful now. I'd rather not get into the details, but I know that I embarrased my sorority and I feel horrible- plus I went back on my word by not abiding by the plans we originally set. And the most ridiculous thing is that I didn't even realize until tonight that something was significantly wrong- like I didn't even realize it was a big deal. My sorority needs so much work, and we had a HUGE meeting tonight to try to deal with it, but I'm so overwhelmed. We're all overwhelmed. We have plans on how to fix things, and make our sisterhood stronger, but I just feel awful. I'm supposed to be setting a good example! I didn't do anything terribly awful, but what did happen shouldn't have and I feel like the worst president in the whole world. I know everyone makes mistakes but I should have been thinking more! I'm so overwhelmed. One mistake doesn't automatically make me a bad president does it? But it isn't just that night, it's also everything...I feel like if I was cut out to be president we would be doing so much better now. I hate questioning myself. Tonight at our meeting I straight up offered for us to hold relections or even for me to leave if they felt like I wasn't doing what I should be doing...IU told them the truth, which is that I didn't want to be there if they didn't want me there. Sometimes I feel left out of the group I guess. There are so many more issues behind this, and I am much too tired to post them all tonight. I'll fill in some of the more important details tomorrow- tonight was just some self loathing I had to get off my chest so I could sleep.
love, Corina
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