Go back and read -- you're not responding to what I said; I only wrote one of those posts. You're responding to what kddani (as in Kappa Delta Danielle) said. Perhaps the guy you were quoting said it behind closed doors with only guys around. You said it on an internet message board with lots of females around.
Again, that was kddani, not me. But you prove my point. "Frat" and "frat boy" are offensive to you because of the connotation they carry, not because of the actual, dictionary meaning of "frat." That is how it is fundamentally different from the C-word, which is, per the dictionary, an obscenity.
A little historical perspective might be helpful. The whole "it's a fraternity, not a frat" thing is relatively recent. Three or four decades ago and more, few if any fraternity brothers would have given the use of the word "frat" a second thought. National publications and songs of fraternities used to have references to the "dear old frat." It's the more recent, negative stereotype you mention that has made the word a "dirty word." It may be offensive to lots of people, but it's still not obscene. That's why the analogy doesn't work. The reason we don't call our country a *^%# is because *^%# is an obscenity. That's
not the reason we don't call our fraternity a "frat."
I'm not saying you shouldn't try to get people not to use the word if it bothers you. I am saying that the analogy doesn't help you. It's much more helpful, not to mention straight-forward, to say "We're fraternity men, not frat boys." That's all.