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Hi Rose Red,
I am not in a NPC or IFC group, so this is a comment that is unqualified.
I understand your concerns. I look at the issues as:
1. When the guys shared this information with you, they may not have had an eye toward your involvement. Sometimes, people share things with us to laugh, to vent, or to simply share their experience. They don't expect, nor desire, your opinion, nor your action on the information. Then again, they could be sharing with full knowledge that your thoughts and subsequent action are acknowledged and welcomed. I would think it would be helpful if you spoke with these guys about how YOU feel about the situation. Tell them how strongly you feel about the activities, and what you would like to do as a result. Then, ask them--do they want you to/would they mind if you got involved with the National/collegiate body in policing these activities? They may say "sure," or they may voraciously protest and resent your intended involvement. After a discussion with them, it's still your choice, but at least you will know what some of the consequences from the folks you know will be.
2. While these activities, according to what Barbara provided, are indeed considered hazing, that's the legal letter of the law. In the practical world, what is morally objectionable to you may be fun and games to another. Since it's not YOU who will participate, you should carefully consider whether to get involved in whatever capacity. I believe the letter of the law should supercede any casual traditions, but since they are THEIR traditions, not yours, just think carefully about all possible repercussions, both positive and negative before you act. I know both men and women in the NPHC world who've gone through similar traditions, and wouldn’t trade the experiences for the world. Then there are others who didn't like it very much at all.
3. These guys, even though you love them dearly, are not your children. In fact, they are not children at all. They are adult men who are fully capable of making their own decisions. While that does not mean that they will always make the best decisions for themselves and while you will have the inclination to "assist" them in better decision making, ultimately, it should still be "their" decision. There are indeed activities in which my boyfriend engages that I disagree with--however, after making my feelings known, I realize that he's going to do what he wants to do--and he faces my reaction as appropriate.
I'm not telling you what's right and wrong. You have your own convictions, and no one should try and change those. I'm merely pointing out that you should consider all factors before taking action (or no action, as the case may be)—especially in getting feedback from the men who will ultimately be the ones joining the fraternity. Best of luck, shel
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