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I go back to the dorms for the rest of the night, and I see my friend from across the hall, Lauren (the Miami). I hadn't anticipated that I would feel this way, but I feel ashamed I released her chapter. Sort of like I had slapped her and our friendship in the face. It was still silence so we couldn't talk, but this was weighing very heavily on me.
I decided to go talk to our RA, who was not Greek, because I just need a more impartial view. My mom wasn't really helpful at this point, because she just didn't understand having never gone through and not having been to a normal college. My RA, Jamie, was so understanding, but she told me something Lauren had shared with her that made me feel even worse. Lauren had told Jamie that she really wanted me as her little sis and hoped that I would be able to see that although Miami wasn't the best chapter on campus, it would be a great home for me. Lauren wasn't comfortable rushing me because she really just wanted for me to be happy.
After my conversation with Jamie, I felt badly still, but not quite badly enough to change my thinking. One, I had cut Miami and there was no way I could be one now, and two, I thought I was top house on campus material. I had gone to all of the "best" chapters today and that's where I would end up pledging. I was sad to realize that I wouldn't be able to call Lauren a sister, but generally ecstatic with my recruitment.
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