[Kansas City]

Originally Posted by basket96

KansasCity,

I agree with your point, but flat feet are unlikely to be noticed in a PNM whereas a wedding ring is likely TO be noticed. I think many actives are likely to make assumptions NOT in OP's favor that's why I recommend being up front. I'd hate to see her NOT get a bid because actives assumed she would not have the time to dedicate when clearly she has stated she does. I think by being up front she assuages that doubt in the minds of the women she meets and they are able to look at her with a more open mind. I think it's being proactive and turning a potential negative into a positive.

Also, I would think that most house boards would allow live-out status to a married undergraduate. But, it's probably best to ask those things up front so they don't come back to hurt you later. Like has been said previously, EACH chapter is different.

First flat feet were just a silly example of something that you might not what to announce to total strangers. Instead, I'd like to hear responses to the job and transportation issue I also posed.

I agree that the OP needs to be totally honest and forthright about her relationship, including wearing her ring, during recruitment but I don't think that she needs to announce it to the whole world or should initiate the conversation about her private relationship. I think that doing so will only give potential chapters a reason (albeit, not a very good one) to justify cutting her. I'm not familiar with the campus but if NAU is at all competitive, I'd keep the information under wraps unless asked about it.

Here's what I would suggest as far as the conversation goes ...

HOUSING: (for OP to ask member)
Instead of this: "Tell me about your house. Since I'm married, am I required to live in the house?"
Try this: "Tell me about your house. What are your live-in policies and are their any exceptions?"

RELATIONSHIP: (if member asks about the relationship)
Instead of this: "I'm married, will this be a problem?"
Try this: "I married a wonderful man # years ago but really want to get the most out of my undergraduate experience."

In both situations, the OP is honest but is not providing an obvious reason for the chapters to cut her based on her private situation.

I too will not go into a room and announce to all that "I have Flat Feet!"