I was going to suggest making up some Chuck Norris-esque facts but someone already beat me to it.
http://michaelphelpsfacts.com/Home.html
Here are my favorites:
When Michael Phelps jumps into the pool, he isn’t making a splash; the water is just trying to get out of his way.
The real reason Poseidon has a magical trident is to protect himself from Michael Phelps.
The real reason for the Spanish Armada’s defeat happened because they got in the way of Michael Phelps’ training course.
Aquaman wears Michael Phelps underwear.
Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, leap tall buildings in a single bound are all warm-up exercises for Michael Phelps.
The waterwheel was invented when the ancient Romans witnessed Michael Phelps doing a flip turn.
Michael Phelps’ heart pumps twice as much blood as the average human’s heart. Blood made of the failed Olympic dreams of everyone that has raced against him.
Michael Phelps went to participate in a boat race. The officials asked him where his speedboat was. Michael Phelps just laughed.
Newborn dolphins learn to swim by watching footage of Michael Phelps.
Michael Phelps can break 9 world records in only 8 events.
It rains because dry land does not deserve to feel Michael Phelps walk upon it.