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Are you doing stuff for your kid because you have no life and accomplishment of your own at present? At the point you are doing stuff for your kid because you live through your kid, you've got a problem
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Funny that you said that - here's a story, back when my oldest was playing little league football (12 years ago, he was 10) he was on this awesome team. I was so involved, living, breathing this football thing. They went undefeated through the whole regular season and made it to the "big" championship bowl game, anyway, the team ended up losing in a really tight game. I was sick, literally sick to my stomach, after that game (meanwhile my son was more interested in the pizza party somebody was organizing
). I was depressed for days, when I suddently had an epiphany,
I was actually letting the performance of 10 year olds and my expectations of them effect my mental health!! How pathetic is that?!?
So, with my husband's encouragement and blessing (in terms of really helping out), I went back to competitive sailing. Suddenly, when I had something to look forward to that was MY OWN, not my kids, I was able to let go - this was a major step in getting away from the helicoptering. My kids have had to deal with Mommy being gone periodically when I go to events. They do fine without me and I think it has helped them gain independence (plus they are proud that their mom is doing something kind of cool
).
As for the "parent portal" where you can look up grades. I never signed up for it. I knew, that as neurotic as I can be, I would be looking at it 20 times a day (look how much I'm on this silly site
), so I have just trusted the kids to be honest about grades, knowing that at some point the report card would be coming home, so they'd be busted if they didn't let me know if they were struggling. When they have struggled and asked for help, I've found tutors for them (cuz I sure as heck can't do that stuff anymore - calculus - forget about it!!!). I also am the terrible mom who no longer does "curriculum night", once elementary school was over - I figured if a teacher really needs me, they know how to find me, I don't need face time with them (and hope I never need to meet them).
Now that 2 out of 3 of my kids are in college, I don't know what or how they're doing unless they tell me. Sometimes I wish I knew more, more often I want to put my fingers in my ears and say, "lalalalala I'm not hearing you" because my kids feel they can share any and all with us and some things are just TMI for a mom!!
Thinking about it, I don't think I'm a helicopter
