|
My mom told me one time, when I was a teenager (and it really stuck with me)...
"The hardest part about being a parent is that if you do your job right, your kids leave you"
Walking that line between helping them learn to be independent adults while dealing with your own difficulty in letting go of them is tough.
I think when you're actually dealing with/interacting with parents regularly, the difference between a healthy involved parent and a helicopter parent is clear. We have the capability of checking our kids assignments/grades online daily in our school district. I keep an eye on how my kids are doing, especially my son, who tends to miss assignments here and there. So, I check him. When he's missing something, I bug him to turn it in, talk to the teacher about it, etc. That's all I do. I have talked to parents who email or call the teachers themselves to get the kid excused from those assignments. Interestingly, it's my son who needs the prompts to talk to teachers if there is a problem and my daughter is the very independent child who handles everything herself. She's the oldest perhaps? She had good elementary teachers too, who she could always talk to. My son had some really bad experiences with elementary teachers so it may have instilled some difficulty. My son also has a harder time with anticipated change and always has. That first week of middle school was tough for him. I'm sure to point out to him how successful he was in spite of his fears about it all to make him see that change isn't bad. It's all about encouraging them to be independent though. I don't know if it's because I'm a single mom working full time and I need them to be more independent or what. They might call me at work asking if they can go do something and I will say something like "You'll need to find a ride" and they make the arrangements themselves. I don't have the time or energy to do it all for them.
I do think technology has made it easier. It was easy to make long distance calls when I was in college, when in the dorm room, but how often was I in my room? Plus, I couldn't afford the bill. It was very expensive, relative to today. My land line at home now has unlimited nationwide calling. That concept was totally foreign, and that was 25 years ago. I talked to my parents once a week and that was pretty much it.
|