Quote:
Originally Posted by 33girl
srmom - I don't think SWTXbelle is accusing anyone in particular of helicoptering - just opening up a dialogue on what the term really means.
(Knock on wood) I've seen far fewer of the helicopter moms posting this year - it seems to mostly be worried parents who need a place to vent and express their worries (so they don't convey them to their child) as their kids go through rush. I don't think that's helicoptering at all. Helicoptering is the mom or dad who comes on here looking for recs for their daughter.
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But no one's been cut out or dropped out of recruitment yet or matched to the "wrong" group.
That said, I don't think that every mom interested in how her daughter is doing during recruitment is a helicopter mom.
But here's the thing that I think parents over thirty should ask themselves: can you imagine your own parents doing the stuff that you are about to do. Unless you had especially neglectful parents, if the answer to the question is no, you are probably stepping into helicopter land.
I think parents tell themselves that life has changed in some profound way to justify doing things for their kids that parents didn't need to do in previous generations, and the truth is that no such change has really taken place. The world has always been dangerous and somewhat hostile. Schools have always had policies that didn't necessarily result in kids getting what they wanted. Desirable classes, clubs and activities have always excluded some worthy kids. It's not normal to think that you need to intervene to change the world to get your kid what your kid or you think your kid wants right then.
Simply because we have technology today that makes doing more for your kid easier doesn't mean that you should do it.
(And I'll say that I don't think getting recs for your daughter is new or helicopter-y really. I think recs have always been a game played with parental connection as much as personal connection to the girl. Now, contacting the people who do actually know your daughter (like teachers) rather than contacting people who primarily know you (like people you knew in college) is helicoptering because that's something your daughter should do.)
I also think a standard for helicoptering that would be very hard to recognize in one's self but that tends to be more transparent to other people is the motivation for the parental action. Are you doing stuff for your kid because you have no life and accomplishment of your own at present? At the point you are doing stuff for your kid because you live through your kid, you've got a problem. I'm going to add, although I want to make really clear that I'm not calling anyone on GreekChat out, that I think the spouses who stay at home but who are uprooted by their spouses career frequently are most at risk for this if they don't watch themselves. It's really easy in a new community if you don't work to let setting up your kid's life take over. And once everything you do is about the kid, the lines of healthy behavior are harder to see.