Quote:
Originally Posted by srmom
You know, I may just be in a bad mood or something, but I'm really beginning to get sick of these Helicopter Mom threads. From my perspective, many of the moms who are being accused of helicoptering are not really doing so. They have come on to this "open" forum because their kids are rushing and they have questions. In most cases they are encouraged to post what's going on with their daughters, and then when they show the slightest worry or concern, they're accused of helicoptering. There are some who attack at the slightest sign of this - I'll call them Black Hawks, they are perfect fighting machines, and boy howdy, they'll shoot you down at the slightest sign of weakness.
As parents, sometimes we make the right decisions and sometimes we don't. Over a child's lifetime in your home, you basically have 18 years of decision making, hopefully you make more right ones than wrong. As for my own kids, I made worse decisions with the first one - probably helicoptering more than I should because I was a newbie and scared to make a mistake. I learned from him and have become much more standoffish with my other kids to the point that yesterday, after my middle son had moved into his place in Austin, where he hadn't bothered to have the electricity or water turned on (but he DID remember to set up cable - shows where his priorities are) he's on his own. So what happens? He's sitting in the dark with no plumbing with me telling him, "It's your problem, you fix it, but I advise you to use your neighbors toilet for sanitary reasons."
Now, as to my oldest who I "helicoptered", he is a senior in college with a full time job, paying his own rent, utilities, and expenses - he never asks for help or money, he does everything on his own, so I guess my hovering didn't hurt him in the long run.
All the judging could possibly be way off base, and if this forum should be restricted to only those without children or those who only post the "right" responses, then perhaps moderators should block them.
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I don't really think of "helicoptering" that way, at all.
When I think of helicoptering, particularly in terms of Greek Chat, I'm reminded of those moms who do things like call individual chapters or the Greek Life office when their daughters get cut. Or the moms who can't be excited for their daughters when they do get a bid because they're still busy sulking over the fact that their daughters got cut from a different chapter. Clearly there is a huge difference between this and sanitary plumbing conditions. Srmom, your examples remind me more of a parent who is being helpful while some of the helimoms we've seen on GC in the past have been just awful examples for their children.
Another example is one I've seen in the dance world. I've danced and cheered my whole life, and when I was helping to coach my old high school team, I was on the receiving end of the bad behavior from helimoms. These women (well...and men, too, since there was one dad who was pretty obnoxious) would be up in arms if their daughter didn't get to be front and center 100% of the time. Of course they did it in the name of wanting what was best for their child, but the obnoxious behavior that they displayed was anything but helpful. Meanwhile, there were the moms who were extremely positively supportive (hosting spaghetti dinners, arranging carpools, always cheering the girls on) and no one thought of these parents as helimoms at all.