Quote:
Originally Posted by PrettyBoy
I also think some women bring it on themselves to attract the "dogs" by the way they dress. To me, presentation is everything when it comes to your body. One of the concepts that I impress upon women is that they teach men how to treat them. If she dresses like a respectable lady, then she'll attract respectable men.
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I have to say that I understand fully that as a woman I may attract unwanted attention by dressing in an inappropriate manner, but like others have said its more about how that particular guy is.
It has been my experience that if you have halfway decent looks men will make comments no matter what you're wearing.
I've gone out in mens sweatpants and oversized t-shirts and had guys come at me. One time a group of us were standing at the bus stop waiting on the bus to go somewhere (I think we were coming back from a restaurant) we were all wearing jeans and a top and a car full of guys rode by and as they passed they yelled something lewd and we ignored them. The guys came back and then got out of the car and came over to where we were. One of them approached me and I let him know I wasn't interested and asked him to go away. he proceeded to call me a b#$%h and sulk. He wated until the bus came and then as I was turned around and in line for the bus he tried to grab my butt. Mind you I was wearing a pair of jeans and a long sleeve shirt (it was winter) and sneakers nothing fancy and nothing over the top and guys were still being disrespectful.
I also feel like I should not have to base how I dress on what some man will or wont say or do. I dont feel like I should have to change what I'm going to wear because some men are ignorant.
Women do not teach men how to treat them by what they wear women teach men how to treat them by how they raise their sons. I cannot make a man respect me by wearing a business suit or a skirt that is 3/4 an inch above my ankles. If a man is disrespectful then that is what he will be toward me.
Its a shame that the majority of the blame for disrespectful incidents is placed on women. It is a common misconception that a woman can control how she is approached by a man with her choice of outfit. It is not true! The only person who can control how a man talks to or acts toward a woman is that man. Saying that a woman can control that is like saying a woman can aviod sexual assault by dressing properly. She cannot.
It is about men having manners and control of themselves. Dont get me wrong I dont like to see women 1/2 naked and i dont think its right, but i also dont think a man should be given a pass because she is dressed poorly.
Truth be told it is not the way a woman dresses it is a combination of economic status (which will determine where she lives) and the guy who is approaching her. If you live in a middle middle class to upper middle class and above area then you are less likely to run into guys who will say and do disrespectful things. There are fools everywhere so you wont be exempt, but you also wont be hassled all the time.
As a young woman with what I consider to be good looks and a nice body I am constantly aware of the possible consequences of my actions. When considering what to wear (or even if i will go) to a party/club I am cognizant of the fact that it will be late when I am headed home and I live in an urban area where rape/assault/sexual assault/grave danger is a possibility. Since on campus we are not allowed to carry any type of weapon(poket knife) or protection (pepper spray/Mace) I have to be aware of the fact that I may be in danger and that I can only protect myself using my body and physical force which may not be enough. I have learned that depending on the police is a waste of time and campus police is a JOKE! It is really unfair and unnecessary that as young women we cant get dressed in what we want or like (even if it is a freakum dress to wear to a party to feel sexy) because we might be "putting ourselves in danger" and the danger we face is a bunch of irresponsible and ignorant men who cannot control themselves and who are not held accountable for their actions.
if an incident occurs the response is "she shouldnt have been wearing xyz in the 1st place she knew what she was doin when she put that on" instead of people saying this man needs to be taught how to keep his hands/body parts/words to himself. In our communities lately it seems that we want to blame women instead of forcing men to be responsible. If I am out with MEN that I know and trust and some guy approaches me the wrong way I know that my peeps will let him know its not cool to act like that and that they will protect me. the problem is that there are not many men in my age group (18-25). Most of the guys around are boys trying to become men. There is nothing that is expected from these guys. When my parents were growing up (and how my mom raised me) the expectation was that a man would not disrespect a woman and he would also not stand by and let a woman be disrespected. I've heard guys tell stories about how they sat and watched women get brutally beaten by men and i really cant get with it. it makes me sick and honestly it makes them less of a man to me. If the standard was that a man was not allowed to be disrespectful and women were not allowed to dress like strippers then all would be right in the community (ha!) but alas this isnt a perfect world!