Quote:
Originally Posted by Army Wife'79
IMO an adult is someone who pays for their own medical insurance, rent, car pmts, food and doesn't accept a dime from anyone; or someone who is NOT claimed on anothers tax form. Mostly because of lawsuits. I didn't want to be sued b/c one of my kids did something stupid in college so mine were/are on a short rope. Money is a great motivator and since I pay $100% of everything I can have all sorts of fun rules. Cell phones can be turned off, cars can be retrieved etc. I let them know it's a privilege to have the things they have and if they can't comply they can go out and get student loans and pay their own way.
I learned so much by watching some friends kids screw up. They would register for classes, parents pay the tuition for a semeseter and monthly rent/food money and the kid didn't go to any classes but sat around partying. These were the parents who never saw grades. Finally after 4 years they wondered why there was no graduation announcement and were STUNNED to find he had hardly any credits. I actually know 3 kids (all high school honor society students) who did this.
I told myself that will not fly in this family. I'll put that $$$ in my IRA b/f letting my kid have a 4 year party. So, my son made a few dumb mistakes but luckily nothing serious. He changed his major which added a year but I made him take summer school to make up for it so he graduated in 4 1/2 yrs. MY penalty if he got a DUI was me retrieving the car from him and he'd live at home and go to junior college so he did use extra $$ on taxi money to avoid that. (that was my worst fear for him in college: driving drunk)
With daughter I have the "no piercings/tattoos" rule. Penalty for that is the checkbook snapping closed. Plus, I've told her I'll pay for a masters or PhD or as long as she wants to get an education we'll support her so she'd be an idiot to throw that away for a tattoo. (all 3 of her roomates got one over spring break). I tell her once she graduates and is paying her own way in life she can get all the ink she wants.
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It is reasons EXACTLY LIKE THIS why I didnt go to college straight out of high school. I didnt want my parents holding money overmy head as a way to keep me as a puppet on a string.
4 years later, when I returned home from the Navy and GIBill in hand, my parents treated me like an adult. I was grateful for the fact that they offered me a place to live once I separated from the service - I lived with them for about 8 months. I didnt pay rent, but I did a large majority of the housework, bought household groceries and helped out with the utilities bills. My mom wanted housework out of me rather than rent money - I felt it was a fair compromise. I came and went as I pleased, and they had no problem with it, because I respected them as adults and let them know if I was going to be out extremely late, and gave them the courtesy of knowing who I would be with when I was out. I didnt want the college experience where my folks were holding money over my head as a way to rule my life. Car, cell phone bill, insurance, whatever, I paid for it all on my own. Even paying for grad school. While it's a nice gesture, it's total control. Student loans for me, thanks. While it may be debt, it teaches responsibility and builds credit.
And for the record - I always told my parents my grades. I was happy to brag about the good ones, and comfortable enough to b*tch about the not-so-good ones. My parents were my best friends when I came home from the service. Had I gone to college straight out of high school, I probably would have been that rebellious pain in the ass child.
As for orientations - my school had parent sessions to keep the parents out of the hair of the students while the students were doing their own thing.