[jon1856]

Originally Posted by EE-BO

I am neither a wife nor a mother, but I agree srmom and thanks for stating it so well.

Kato, as others have said- coming later than usual to fraternity life is far more acceptable for servicemen than it would be for most people. So from that standpoint while you might encounter roadblocks at certain chapters, you should still have choices.

The question I think for you is how this would fit into your overall life plan. A chapter does not have to engage in illegal hazing activities to make pledgeship a very demanding time commitment.

Chapters vary (and I am making the logical assumption you are talking about a social fraternity- forget the nonsense from 3 pages back in this thread), but you should be prepared to spend at least one evening away from home every week- and many weeks that would be 2-3 evenings.

You would likely get some accommodation from the chapter for your unique situation seeing as how you are married, but even if that is allowed- the less time you spend with your fellow pledges, the less of a real connection you will have with your pledge brothers and with the fraternity itself.

So often on this forum, and elsewhere, the ultimate goal being discussed is getting a bid. That is an important step, but it is only the beginning. All chapters have people who pledged and got initiated, but never really became a part of their chapter or had a meaningful experience. Most often that is because someone was marginal to begin with or somehow changed during pledgeship and ended up just not fitting in. But in your case I think there is an extra risk of that since your life experience has already moved beyond what a social fraternity provides for many people.

Now you might well dive in and have a blast- but I just say these things to get you to really consider and question what role you think you would have in a fraternity over the next few years while you are in school, and to encourage you to think about how the benefits of that might be offset by strains in other areas of your life. Consider, for a start, how awkward it might be for your wife to join you at parties. Note I say "might"- you two may have a blast on the Greek social scene. But think about it all the same. The whole idea of being in a fraternity is that is a central part of your social life. Are you prepared for that? If not, is the money and time you invest worth getting the lesser return compared to most other guys in fraternities? Again, it may well be worth it- but just give it thought.

When I started my MBA program, the Dean gave a speech to the entering class addressing the life issues many students would face since virtually all of them had left school, gone to work and were now coming back for their MBA in their mid to late 20s- or later. And so of course many of them were married. I was one of the few people in that room who came right through from undergrad. For most, entering the MBA program was a huge change in their life pattern and in their finances.

The Dean made a point of telling students to think about this because it was his experience that in the past students had experienced a lot of strain with their spouses and families over going back to school- sometimes ending in divorce.

This change you are making in your life has the potential to test you in many ways, and I just you urge to think carefully about whether adding a fraternity to the mix would be worth what it might cost. It could very well work out great, but it is worth pondering carefully in terms of how your life situation is different from that of the typical undergraduate going through rush.

PS- If you decide this is the right thing for you, I wish you well. How you present yourself on this forum suggests you have noble motives and would make a great addition to a good chapter somewhere.

Very well said and written.