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One thing I think it's appropriate to add is that if you're in your 20s and in grad school, or working an entry level job or whatever, it's perfectly fine to NOT pay as much as you might really like to based on your affections for the person. You know?
Recently I spent around $30 for a sorority sister's wedding that I will attend in about 3 weeks - but the thing is she knows I am spending a TON on travel to actually go across the country while I'm currently unemployed. I really wanted to get something more but almost everything on her registry was $100 and up and that was just plain out of my range. I recently got a bachelorette party invitation as well, which I can't attend, but I am going to try to get a small non-registry gift for that - something fun for the bride - that will supplement my "official" gift. Planning on spending another $20-$30 on that.
Before that, I went to was a local wedding in Austin a few months ago. The couple are a graduate student, very hippie couple that did not make a registry but asked attendees to donate to one of their four favorite charities. I donated around $30. At the wedding shower, I got the bride about $80 worth of gifts (I was employed at that point), partly because I know that this is one of the most unselfish and unmaterialistic couples on earth - despite asking guests NOT to get gifts, they have very few accouterments to fill up their home. I got them a nice soapstone wine chiller and a wine stopper because they enjoy wine and I just wanted to get them something nice...
I know the guide of trying to "pay back" what they're spending on you attending the wedding is ideal, but I do believe that couples understand if that is just not possible for you - weddings are very expensive and if you were really going to "pay back your cost," it would often be unreasonable for young people or people who just have public interest/nonprofit jobs that don't pay as much...
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