Quote:
Originally Posted by KSUViolet06
Something to think about: Sometimes confrontation and tightening up boundaries doesn't work. In some situations, the opposite happens. Instead of not having anymore private dinners, he just gets "smarter" about it, keeps having them, but makes sure you don't find out.
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I'm aware of that. It could very well happen that way (and has happened that way to me). I understand that you can't always "tell" with a person, but I guess I'm thinking on my terms--it would take me knowing your heart and mind inside and out, to the point where I could see straight through you before I'd even consider marrying you. And I wouldn't be engaged to someone if I had any inkling that he'd go that way.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PrettyBoy
Some of you ladies mentioned that you respect his honesty. To me, what he did is not honest at all. OK, so he told her. Who cares? The fact of the matter is he still disrespected her, himself and the relationship.
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PB, there will come a time when EVERYONE will disrespect themselves, their partner, and their relationship. You will do it one day if you haven't already and, if you think you haven't, one of your past girlfriends might disagree.
I have been tempted, realized I was wrong, and "tightened the boundaries" to make my committment stronger all the way up until we parted for other reasons. Does that make me a "joker with no values?" Nope. Ish happens and you learn from it and don't pull stuff like that anymore. You cannot possibly have a long-standing relationship where you will never flirt with temptation, accidentally or otherwise. Everyone in this world who has ever had a partner has, is currently, or will in the future disrespect what they have with another person, either because they meant no harm or because they knew better but thought the "20 was worth leaving the 80" so-to-speak. I would take that into account before deciding to leave who I have been convinced is the love of my life. Depending on how it goes, I might have to leave later, but for a few dinners before he just cut it off himself? No. Really, it's the "jokers" who can be left behind but I would hope that if this girl thinks highly enough of this guy to marry him, then he is not a "joker" but an upstanding guy who has proven himself worthy of some grace and that it doesn't take a cancelled wedding to deal with him. If it's that serious, then she needs to re-evaluate who she deems worthy of marriage.