[sugar and spice]

Lots of random questions to answer! I know some of these have been answered already, but I thought I'd add a little bit more perspective.

Several posters have mentioned that servers have to "tip out" the bartenders and bussers at the end of the evening. But it was my understanding that those folks didn't make the lower tipping minimum wage, but who make actual minimum wage. Why should servers, who earn less with the assumption that they will make up for it in tips, have to share their tips with those who make actual minimum wage?

It depends on the restaurant, but bussers almost never make minimum wage, bartenders may or may not. Hostesses will make minimum wage if they are not tipped-out, but less if they are tipped-out (I've never worked at a place that tipped out the hostesses, although I know they exist). At one restaurant that I work at, bartenders only make $3.50/hour, and absolutely depend on tip-outs to make a living. Usually I tip out $2-7 a night, and if you multiply that by the 6-12 other servers on the floor -- and take into account that all the money is going to just one bartender -- it adds up. Without tip-outs, they would be walking out with less money than the servers; with tip-outs, they walk out with about the same amount or slightly more. This is true of most corporate chain restaurants and the independently owned restaurants that operate like chains.

The other place I work at is more of a true bar. The bartenders all make at least $6/hour, and tip-outs matter less -- I generally tip out, at most, five dollars, which is usually split between 2-3 bartenders, and there are only ever four waitresses on the floor at once, so their tip-outs don't add up to much. There, the tip-out system is really just to encourage an atmosphere of cooperation: if part of their income comes from you, bartenders are more likely to be respectful towards you, and you retain some degree over control over your tip-outs . . . for example, you can tip the bartender who makes your drinks fastest more than the other ones who ignore them.

Basically, it's the same rationale for using the tip system when dining -- people are (theoretically) nicer to you when you have some impact on their income, and those who tip out more are rewarded. Capitalism at its finest, essentially.

But what I absolutely loathe is the included 18% gratuity that is automatically put on the bill of a party of 6 or more. If they're a good server, they lose out because now I'll only give them 18% versus the 20% plus that I would've given had gratuity not been included. Also, why should I have to pay 18% is the service is terrible?

Here's a tip for people who don't like the auto-grat: if something is listed as a "service charge" on your bill, you have to pay it. If something is listed as an "automatic gratuity," you do not have to pay it. Legally speaking, it's only a guideline and not an obligation. So while I wouldn't recommend it, you can leave less than the gratuity or nothing at all and have no fear that they're going to send the police to your doorstep the next morning.

Conversely, there's nothing saying that you can't leave more than the auto-gratuity, and many people do. I don't understand why adding the auto-gratuity to a bill would stop anyone from leaving extra if the service was great? I'd say that 20-30 percent of my tables that have an automatic gratuity check will still leave me a little or even a lot extra, and I always appreciate it.

Adding the gratuity is done because taking big parties generally takes up a server's full section and is a lot more work for both the server and the kitchen than separate smaller tables -- timing becomes a lot trickier, plus the server usually can't wait on any other tables while she's taking a big party, and big tables tend to linger longer and talk, which prevents the server from taking any new tables after her big party is done and making money off of those. It's very hard to keep up with a more demanding large party, and it hurts a lot more to be screwed on a tip on a $200 table (that stayed so long they were your only table that night!) than it does to be screwed on a tip on a $35 table that was one of many. For example, last night an entire boys' basketball team (30 people once you counted the coaches) came into the restaurant where I work -- it's state tournament weekend. They took up more than two full servers' sections, took three servers to wait on them, made us keep extra servers on late (servers who couldn't take any other tables while they were waiting on them), made us stay open late . . . and left not a single cent as a tip. This restaurant does not allow adding the gratuity to large parties, so all the servers got burned, and had to do an extra two hours' worth of work for no payoff. Adding the gratuity is just insurance against stuff like that.

Lastly, adding the gratuity to large parties is usually mandated by the restaurant, and not up to the server, so please don't punish your server for doing it to you! Often, they have no choice.

I wonder, though, if gender does make a difference in how a server is tipped. Will a woman-patron tip more for a male server? My hunch is probably yes.

Oh, definitely. I get much better tips from male patrons. My boyfriend, who's a bartender, thinks that females tip better. I've dated a number of bartenders and they've always gotten better tips from women.

I know this is off topic, but I detest when a server brings your food and then immediately sets the bill down on the table.
HELLO?!? How incredibly rude is that!?! Let me enjoy my meal in peace for a few minutes at the bare minimum!

It's certainly rude if it's intended to push you out the door, but that's not always the reason for it. More and more restaurants are training their servers to do this, at least at lunch, because so many guests are businessmen/women on their lunch breaks who are in a hurry and don't want to wait for the server to drop the check at the end of the meal. People are so impatient these days that they'll complain about having to wait a couple minutes for their check at the end of the meal. So dropping it off early makes for a more efficient payment process.

That said, I think it's rude so I don't do it even though I'm trained to. The only time I'll do it is if my table tells me that they're in a hurry, and then I'll explain to them that it's only there for their convenience and that they're welcome to stay as long as they want.

Everybody should keep in mind that often -- especially at chain restaurants -- servers are required by management to do things that they would never do if they were allowed to operate autonomously. These things include adding automatic gratuities, dropping checks early, pushy suggestive selling, gratingly perky "Welcome to _____!" shpiels, carding people who are obviously over 21, etc. If they don't do these things, they can get fired. So if a server's doing something like this that you don't like, think about it for a few minutes and try to figure out if it's really their choice or if it's a management/corporate decision. Don't punish your server via a low tip for doing things that they're probably required to do -- instead, write a letter to the management or, where appropriate, the corporate offices, explaining why that policy frustrates you.

Maybe this has been covered but I am too lazy to read through the entire thread-is it better to tip in cash?

A lot of places it doesn't really matter. Back before computers were invented (lol), it was better to tip in cash because the waitresses would walk out with it right away, as opposed to getting credit card tips later. But these days, computers generally keep track of the credit card tips and adjust, so you walk out with all your tips anyway.

That said, a good credit card tip is always better than a bad cash tip. I've had people pay with a credit card, leave me a bad tip in cash, shrug and tell me, "That's all I have in cash." So put it on the card, dumb@$$ -- that's what the "gratuity" line is there for!