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Old 03-16-2001, 02:29 PM
James James is offline
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Join Date: Sep 1999
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I believe Nupe is both right on and slightly off.

On: These are very bad signs and she may need to talk to someone . . . later.

Off: The timing, its only been two days. If this were going on for weeks that would be different.

In some ways joining a group, if you derive a lot of social acceptance from it, is like having a serious crush on someone, thinking they like you back, and then being cut off by them. Her reaction is similar.

I know guys that have trouble dealing with that (not that we would admit it) and I have seen girls totally fall apart for periods of time.

As for handling it . . . this is mostly from my dating experience but I have never met a girl that wanted to be told better luck next time (grad chapter), or it happened for a reason (fate thinks you suck also). . .

Remember people almost always hear the negative in well meaning advice when they feel emotionally bad.

Plus when people are emotionally distraught they usually are not to fond of reason and logic.

I would treat it like a bad crush situation.
Watch her actions and make sure she doesn't do anything Rash like withdraw from school. Or embarrassing like beg, or make a public spectacle. Don't tell her not to drop out of school (unless you think the tough strong person approach works with her), tell her to wait . . she can always wait a few weeks before withdrawing.

Time heals all wounds, if you can get her to wait a while and not imnpulsively screw her life up you have it made.

For the next little while just be there and synpathize, and then when you can tell the first edge has worn off (it takes a lot of energy to maintain emotional hysteria over time) start going over reasonable options, other orgs, grad chapter etc.

Then after a few more days start kicking her in the ass with your talk (if necessary) to keep her from wallowing in it.

Also, if you can get her out of her room and walking, or running, or some type of work out . . hit a heavy bag . . . Anything. It will help a lot. Bribe her, work out and a then buy her a full body massage.

Tension is in the body and muscles, its been proven that an utterly relaxed person doesn't experience emotional tension. And its hard to be tense after a good workout, steam bath, and massage.

Hope some of this helps.
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