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Round 3
I'm exhauted. There's no other way to put it - emotionally, physically, mentally, everything. Things didn't go as well as I would've liked them to and I had a total freakout on the phone with my mom during a break. I just feel like I should still be home. I feel guilty for even starting this process and I don't really know if I want to continue. I got asked back to two houses, one of which I really enjoyed, the other I just keep getting asked back to and I just don't fit there. I feel awkward and I can't join an organization to join an organization, its not me. I simply could not accept a bid from them. All of the girls are genuinely nice people, but nice isn't enough to build a sisterly bond on, for me.
Today I toured:
Trafalgar Square - I remember thinking last year that this house was where I could see myself the most. Out of my two options right now, I still think that. The girls I spoke to today were much more active in conversation and within the house itself. They were down to earth and really chill people. I felt more comfortable here than I have in the previous two rounds. The house was really nice, too, which was a plus. This was my third choice from the five of the last round, so I guess its not all that bad. I've heard things about the sisters not getting along well, but they all seemed very cohesive to me. I suppose thats part of rush though, even if it is forced. It didn't seem forced, at very least to me.
Big Ben - Nothing new here. More stunted, awkward conversation. Smiling and nodding. Pauses. At this point in the evening I was so fed up with everything I just didn't care anymore. As I stood waiting to go inside, I looked over at Millenium Bridge (which happens to be across the street from Big Ben), wishing I were there instead. The house was cute, but on the tour the sisters seemed so indifferent towards the house and towards eachother. I didn't feel welcomed, I didn't feel the love that I felt at Trafalgar Square. Even if I go to prefs here, one round can't change 3 previous ones of me feeling strange here.
Honestly, at this point, if I am invited back to both I would suicide Trafalgar Square. Again, I'm not one of those people who can lukewarmly enter something. I go into things headfirst, balls out. Its actually something I got from my dad. He was a no bullshit kind of guy and I inherited that from him. I can't bullshit my way through a sisterhood. Its disrespectful to those who are in it for the real deal. If theres anything I learned from him, its that respect for others, no matter who they are or what you think of them, is always of the utmost importance. If I am put in the situation where my only possible choice is Big Ben, then I have to respectfully bow out.
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