[Chuck Norris]

And now for the next installment of this Chuck-saga...

Round 2: Skit Night

Today Chuck showed up early to his recruitment group’s designated cabana in his decidedly black and gray shirt. Chuck also wore silver blue pants, purple cowboy boots and a dark blue/light blue bandana. As Chuck approached, there were two girls already arguing with each other. Something about backfat? Chuck ignored them.

The same obnoxious PNM from last night’s Phi Mu party was there and was going on and on about Phi Mu and how she had a big, elaborate strategy to ensure she would end up there and not at one of the lower-tiered sororities. She said “Well, both my mom and older sister are Phi Mus, so that makes me a double legacy!” She looked at Chuck and asked, “What about you, Chuck, are you a legacy?” Chuck glared into Legacy Girl’s soul and saw that she was truly empty inside, then replied, “Chuck is better than a legacy. Chuck is a legend.”

Soon, it was time to head out. All of the girls double-checked the supply levels of their “Recruitment Survival Kits” that their mom’s flew in personally via helicopters to deliver. Chuck’s mom didn’t send him a survival kit because Chuck’s mom knows that it is Recruitment that needs a “Chuck Survival Kit.”

Chuck and his PNM group were escorted to each of the parties by – amazingly – a new replacement Rho Chi.

Kappa Kappa Gamma – The skit theme was “Kappas: The Greatest Show On Earth.” Chuck thought this was a stupid theme, as everyone knows that “Walker: Texas Ranger” was the greatest of any show in the universe. The skit opened with the Kappa Ringmaster introducing the group and explaining that the skit was a new one and even many of the sisters hadn’t seen it yet. The first act was a blue-clad lion tamer forcing pink lions wearing “Phi Mu” shirts to bow down. Chuck thought the whip was a little kinky, which Chuck really appreciated. Then all of a sudden WHAM! Out of nowhere a dark and light blue clown comes out of a corner and starts throwing out candy. Then Chuck hears a scream and looks over to see one of the Kappas hyperventilating, then she threw up, peed her pants and passed out. Chuck realized that this clown must be some kung fu master infiltrating his recruitment and was obviously using mind control to torture this poor Kappa. Chuck sprung into attack mode as a river of dark and light blue streamer paper followed Chuck’s path of destruction. Just as Chuck was about to wield his infamous chopstick death stare on the clown, the Kappas explained that the clown was only part of a skit. Chuck said “Chuck doesn’t think your skit is funny.” Chuck left.

Pi Beta Phi – Chuck thought this was the absolute funniest skit of the night. Chuck won’t actually tell you anything about the skit that made it funny, not even a joke or funny costume to make this recruitment story at all worth reading. It was just SOOOO funny. It almost made Chuck fall down. It is a good thing Chuck didn’t, though, because one grand canyon is quite enough. At one point Chuck realized that if he found his home with Pi Phi, he could be their “Angel of Death!” Chuck really felt he connected with the Pi Phis.

Kappa Alpha Theta – As some may remember from last night’s post, things didn’t go so well last time. However, because of all of the republican royalty in the Theta family, Chuck decided to give these ladies another chance. Chuck had a really great conversation with this girl that met him at the door. It was so weird! She was from Chuck’s hometown and was really into kung fu. Chuck showed her his patented “Top Five Ways To Instantly Paralyze a Democrat” which really won her over. Their skit was only so-so, as very few of us republicans can loosen up and laugh at ourselves so this skit could have well been titled “Why Thetas Are The Best But Not At All Funny.” Chuck really felt he had connected with kung fu Theta, though.

Sigma Sigma Sigma – Chuck really like the tri-Sigma theme skit because it featured a story about their famous doll collection. Chuck really likes dolls. No one knows this, because Chuck made a deal with God that anyone who has laughs at Chuck for liking dolls is instantly sent into purgatory. Don’t laugh. Tri-Sigma is one of the smaller sororities on campus and so after the skit Chuck was in a group with one tri-sigma, legacy-PNM and another PNM. The Tri-Sigma asked about everyone’s leadership background, because that was important to the Tri-Sigmas. The first PNM said “I was on my school council.” Legacy-PNM said “I was miss teen Chicago.” Chuck said “Chuck invented the most superior style of martial arts on the planet and millions of people already worship me around the world. Chuck is a leader.” By the end of the night, Chuck really felt he had connected with some of the Tri-Sigmas.

Zeta Tau Alpha – Chuck didn’t really pay attention to the Zeta skit because there was a really weird Zeta in the corner who was keeping notes and documenting everything everyone did. After the skit, one of the girls Chuck talked to yesterday introduced Chuck to her “little.” Little-Zeta asked “So, Chuck what is your major” For like the 100th time that day, Chuck responded, “Death.” Despite creepy-zeta, Chuck did like talking to all of the Zetas he met after the skit. Chuck really felt he had connected with Zeta.

By the end of the day, Chuck had a really hard decision to make. He wasn’t sure he had the best chance with Kappa after his kung-fu blowout at the clown, but maybe the Kappas would see that he did it for their protection. Besides, for absolutely no reason at all Chuck is not so sure he wants to go back to Tri-Sigma. It certainly has nothing to do with any of the tent talk Chuck heard or because of the tiers or because Chuck is shallow or anything. Of course not. Chuck is just concerned that because Chuck is so good looking, perhaps the tri-sigmas won’t accept him for who he is. Yeah. So Chuck decided he would not be going back to Tri-Sig but no one should judge Chuck about it because Chuck is just going with his heart.