EvanWilliams, good for you for standing up for your beliefs. I would agree that it's extremely important not to alienate alumni.
One comment I would have re: the small town vs. city thing is that a lot of times small town guys may not have as much of a clue about "appropriate" male dress. For example at my school there were a variety of extremely elite, predominantly southern fraternities, but some drew mostly from southern cities (and more specifically a few major high schools in those cities) and others drew from more widely across the south's small towns. The difference was that the ones drawing from smaller towns tended to be a little more rough around the edges and enjoy slightly different pursuits (eg, hunting, 4-wheeling) whereas the city-oriented groups were more "polished" and probably a bit more concerned about dress and a guy's looks. I would say that overall the "city" frats were considered as stronger groups, but I'm speaking about the top 4-5 fraternities in the first place, so obviously all of them had strong reputations. I don't by any means think that the small town guys were from "worse" families or less wealthy than the city guys, just a slightly different culture.
Speaking of high fraternity dues, check out my alma mater's:
http://studentaffairs.wlu.edu/campus...arges_2007.pdf
Keep in mind that all members (not new members) have to pay for board and dues. And sophomores have to live in too. I can't even imagine shelling out what the sophomores pay....