Quote:
Originally Posted by TechTransfer
hey y'all, this is a call for help.
I'm the Recruitment Chairman for the Acacia colony at LA Tech. We were just approved by the IFC in December, so we've never put ourselves "out there" on campus before. All our recruiting up to this point has been friends talking to friends.
We're going to send out a mass e-mail, which will go to all students. (The school doesn't give us the option of sending just to men, or just to undergrads- it's everyone or no one.) For probably 90% of the people who receive this message, it will be the first time they've heard of us, so it's important that we not sound like idiots. It's also important that the message sound OK to everyone- men and women, Greeks and not.
This is my first draft. Keep in mind that this e-mail is just part of a much larger recruitment plan. Please comment- be brutal, if you must. This needs to be good.
"Acacia (the fraternity with the weird name) will be recruiting new members January 9-17. Acacia (uh-kay-shuh) is an international social fraternity. Membership is open to all male students, undergrad and graduate, regardless of major.
Schedule of Events:
Jan 9: Info meeting, 7pm, Nethken Hall Auditorium
Jan 10: Info meeting, 7pm, Toliver Conference Room
Jan 12: Volunteer at Louisiana Military Museum, 8 am
Capture the flag at Lincoln Parish Park, meet at house at 3:30
Jan 15: Guiter Hero and Gumbo at 109 E Louisiana, 6pm
Jan 16: Pool at Shananigans, meet at house at 8pm
Jan 17: Basketball at Lambright at 7pm
You are welcome to attend any or all of these events- you are not committing yourself to anything by showing up.
For more information:
Join the Acacia Winter Rush Facebook group: http://latech.facebook.com/group.php?gid=6826663845
See our website: http://www.techacacia.com
Contact the recruitment chairman, Jason X, at XXX-XXX-XXXX" |
First off, congratulations on your colony.
Now if I may, here are a few quick suggestions.
You do not want to present anything that might be perceived as negative. So do not say that y'all have a weird name. Also, add a little more flesh to your opening statement by establishing when y'all were founded and a member of the NIC etc. As such, perhaps you may want to change the wording of the first paragraph to something like the following.
"Acacia, will be recruiting new members January 9-17. Acacia (uh-kay-shuh) was founded in 1904 and is the only international social fraternity to have a Greek word rather than Greek letters as its name. Acacia was one of the charter members of the North-American Intrafraternity Conference in 1909. Our fundamental principles are scholarship, leadership, brotherhood and human service/philanthropy. Membership is open to all male students, undergrad and graduate, regardless of major."
Also, under the "schedule of events", there are a few notations about "meet at the house". You should include that address in the email. Actually, you might want to also include the address in the initial paragraph.
"Acacia, will be recruiting new members January 9-17. Acacia (uh-kay-shuh) is the only international social fraternity to have a Greek word rather than Greek letters as its name. Acacia was one of the charter members of the North-American Intrafraternity Conference in 1909. Our fundamental principles are scholarship, leadership, brotherhood and human service/philanthropy. Membership is open to all male students, undergrad and graduate, regardless of major. We are located at 123 Mason Lane at the corner of Washington Street."
I would also add under the "more information" site a link to the international website. And what about requesting information via email? Will recipients be able to hit the reply button? Or is there another email address they need to use? If your school allows it, you may want to consider setting up a specific email address for replies.
Acacia@LTU.edu or what ever it might be.
And also, be sure to run spell check before sending. I caught the following. Guiter is spelled Guitar. And maybe the place is spelled differently, but Shananigans might be spelled Shenanigans.
Finally, you might want to add in the email that it is your school's policy that the email be sent to everyone. For example: "Apologies for the mass email. Louisiana Tech email policy states that all emails are to be sent to whole student population."
Best of luck.