Quote:
Originally posted by justamom
. Now I will ask any and all-How will you advise YOUR children, what do you hope for them? Will you tell them, "Go out there and screw your little hearts out...it will be good for you."?
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What would I hope for my (hypothetical) children?
I'm not really someone who idealizes the notion of losing your virginity after the wedding and only ever having one sex partner in your entire life.
If my kid wanted their life to be that way, fine, but I wouldn't tell them or pressure them that I think that's the best or only way to live one's life. There are a lot of different routes people can go, and I don't believe that one life decision is necessarily always better/more advisable than another.
My own parents didn't drum it into my head that I "had to wait" or anything like that... they said waiting for marriage is often a good idea (I always had the impression that at least my mom was a virgin until marriage, dunno about my dad) but they hoped I'd wait for the right time and a special person and protect myself. I never got the impression that they'd feel let down or disappointed in me if I chose not to wait for marriage. In fact, when I decided to go on the pill at 18, I told them about it and they pay for it and pick my prescription up for me!
I'd tell my own kids that I really hope they wouldn't start having sex until at least their late teens (like 18+... I really feel there's not a lot to be gained by starting sex in high school) because it's a lot for a young person to handle (emotionally, risks of pregnancy, disease...). Of course, I'd tell them to wait as long as they felt was right. If they didn't feel ready until marriage, then fine. However, I don't feel most people have to be 25 (or married) before they are ready to deal with the implications of sex.
I would tell them at any age to come to me if they needed advice or help about getting birth control. If I had a teen daughter who was having sex, whether I approved or not, I'd want her to be on the pill.
When my kids are old enough to be thinking about sex (early teens, I guess... I mean considering the thought of sex, not actually having it) they should already know how I feel about it. If they decide to go ahead and "do it" anyway, and they want my help being safe about it, I don't really think a good parent would throw a fit and refuse to help on moral grounds.
I think sex is a natural, often healthy thing. Young people have urges just like old married grown ups do.
The last thing I'd want, as a parent, is for my kids to become sexually active at an early age as a way of rebelling against me or "breaking rules." I don't think their decisions about sex should be made to please me or to upset me. It's not my life.