[FuzzieAlum]

Cash78mere, for some reason my computer won't let you quote you in my reply ...

I am extremely sorry you took what I said the way you did. Apparently I didn't say what I thought I did.

First, although I didn't state it, and I should have, a coda to my statement about savers dating other savers is that those who don't want to wait should date others who feel the same way. I made a mistake in continuing to date someone who made me feel uncomfortable with my own sexuality. It was immaturity that led me to continue in a relationship that wasn't what I wanted. I should have stated that, and I'm sorry I didn't. But I do think people tend to marry people with a similar sexual history - I think it's unlikely that a virgin would marry a woman who had slept with 100 men. I don't mean that as a value judgment on either party, but people tend to choose people like them.

Second, if a man (or woman) is up front about wanting to wait, that's fine. In my own personal case, which is what I was writing about, my bf was back and forth, changing his mind. He'd be halfway in and then he was out. Now I know "no means no" and he can back out whenever he wants to, but three years of this wreaked havoc on me.

And of course no one wears a sign around their neck declaring if they are a virgin, but you better believe that I find out if a man is a virgin before I sleep with him! Not because there is a right or wrong answer, but because in this day and age of AIDS and STDs (one in six adult Americans has chlamydia), I want to know what my risk factor is. Condoms break, and I want to know how much to panic when in happens. Besides, I would not sleep with any guy I didn't know well enough to have some idea of his sexual history - just like I better know what he does for a living, how many brothers and sisters he has, etc. That's intimacy. I don't do back-alley bar pickup sex.

It would never occur to me to think that someone is weird or a religious freak for waiting, nor did I say anything remotely close to that. I know people a lot older than you who have never had sex, and I don't think any less of them for it. Some have religious reasons, some don't. I will admit that I am judgmental towards people who will not even kiss before marriage - I think that's weird, but it's also none of my business.

The only person I judged in my post was my ex boyfriend, because in his case I think he used sex (or lack thereof) as a means of control.

And, hell, I don't even like horses. I never even wanted a pony as a kid.