[BlueReign]

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

Hey, firstly, you are not cynical. Whoever is saying that to you, ought to be mindful of his or her words.

Secondly, a cheating spouse: That is key in SELECTING your mate NATURALLY... You WILL know when your spouse cheats if you have been hurt before. There are telltale signs. One has to live an a bunch of denial to not need the flags, herrings and caution tapes. I mean, do you think most folks have that much stealth that they would NEVER get caught? Crap like, staying out all night, hangups and phone calls during crazy hours, called from creditors as to when to pick up or drop off big ticket items, missed special days and holidays... Stupid stuff. Besides, if you and your family love you alot, do you think that God would allow you to be immersed into that lunacy?

What I find in my past utterly failed relationships, was I was doing ALL the bolstering to make the relationship work, while the man was pimping me. That is when I called it quits.

I can see why many ladies are fearful, or gunshy or leery about future relationships, it burns alot when one fails. I know. If you stop yourself from feeling because of the fear of painful memories, you also stop yourself from feeling the joys of everlasting love. You just take the good with the bad and hopefully, the good outweighs the bad. There is give and take and sometimes you will be doing more of the giving and he will be doing more of the taking...

But when you say those marriage vows, you have to MEAN them and make for them NEVER to be broken or cast asunder. Marriage is a judge of character for BOTH people...

I think young people today grew up with more divorced homes. For the most part they really have seen oogobs of marriages succeed. But for some reason, young people DESIRE marriage and they are investigating how to MAKE it work between two people.

However, your issue sounds more like folks defining you and your relevance--i.e. if you are not married, then you are not.... I know that is a bogus crap antiquated thing to do, but until those folks die, and renewed definers of the world create a different epistemology, you are going to get that. If you do not choose to be married, the so be it. Great choice. But, if you truly desire marriage when you meet the right person, a great choice also, but there is more to it that just a wedding...

Wow! Good stuff AKAMonet. We owe you for that advice. I see a lot of good stuff here. DSTChaos, that was right on time.

Soror Ninja, my parents had the same kind of marriage. They went through some stuff before I was born. I overheard my father ask my mother for forgiveness a few years before he passed. I think the fact that women are not as dependent on their husbands financially is why marriages don't last. Women feel like they don't have to put up with stuff to keep a roof over their heads so they don't. But then what you have is a lot of "pretend" couples, like Soror tld said.