Quote:
Originally Posted by tld221
and another thing, to be honest, i'm really bitter as a woman when it comes to marriage. I know infidelity is a two-way street, but if you vow to be this man's everything, through thick and thin and all of that... you give your whole LIFE and self to this one person - kids and all - and in return you get the shaft?
He gets to leave, start all over. I'm left to raise the kids and restore a life and home for them and myself, and still move on? Why would i set myself up for that?
So on the off-chance that i am asked "Why aren't you married?" my response is typically "I don't want to get married." Which opens a whole can of worms that i almost never feel like defending, because its always met with "oh, well you havent met the right one..."
well doesn't EVERYONE who gets married think they met the "right one," and then 52% of them realize they dont? i actually believe that 52% of people who divorce are the ones who have the courage to go through with the divorce legally. how many couples out there are legally married but aint ever been a couple, or stopped being one? or are separated? or have an arrangement?
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Hey, firstly, you are not cynical. Whoever is saying that to you, ought to be mindful of his or her words.
Secondly, a cheating spouse: That is key in SELECTING your mate NATURALLY... You WILL know when your spouse cheats if you have been hurt before. There are telltale signs. One has to live an a bunch of denial to not need the flags, herrings and caution tapes. I mean, do you think most folks have that much stealth that they would NEVER get caught? Crap like, staying out all night, hangups and phone calls during crazy hours, called from creditors as to when to pick up or drop off big ticket items, missed special days and holidays... Stupid stuff. Besides, if you and your family love you alot, do you think that God would allow you to be immersed into that lunacy?
What I find in my past utterly failed relationships, was I was doing ALL the bolstering to make the relationship work, while the man was pimping me. That is when I called it quits.
I can see why many ladies are fearful, or gunshy or leery about future relationships, it burns alot when one fails. I know. If you stop yourself from feeling because of the fear of painful memories, you also stop yourself from feeling the joys of everlasting love. You just take the good with the bad and hopefully, the good outweighs the bad. There is give and take and sometimes you will be doing more of the giving and he will be doing more of the taking...
But when you say those marriage vows, you have to MEAN them and make for them NEVER to be broken or cast asunder. Marriage is a judge of character for BOTH people...
I think young people today grew up with more divorced homes. For the most part they really have seen oogobs of marriages succeed. But for some reason, young people DESIRE marriage and they are investigating how to MAKE it work between two people.
However, your issue sounds more like folks defining you and your relevance--i.e. if you are not married, then you are not.... I know that is a bogus crap antiquated thing to do, but until those folks die, and renewed definers of the world create a different epistemology, you are going to get that. If you do not choose to be married, the so be it. Great choice. But, if you truly desire marriage when you meet the right person, a great choice also, but there is more to it that just a wedding...