I'll weigh in from my side as a southern girl who is one of those "groomed" kind!
I think I got my first shirt with sorority letters when I was about 3. (Those little infant outfits weren't around then!) My mom had one that said "alum" and I had one that said "legacy." All of my mom's friends are also pretty much an XYZ so they are the women I have known and looked up to my entire life.
What was simply "understood" where I grew up was the alum members of XYZ are, in a way, responsible for raising young ladies with all the qualities of an XYZ, after all, they made the life time commitment to the organization and what it stands for. It is also "understood" that the best way to continually pledge the best girls in XYZ is to get us while we're young and teach us what it's all about and turn us into the best XYZ's there could possibly be. Now of all my mom's friends with daughters....we are all also XYZ's.
For us, it's just the way it is. Are we crazy? Maybe! But all the "daughters" are now friends and sisters too!
Would I have *died* if I didn't get in. Yes. Would I have gotten over it. Yes. But to have my mom pin me with my Aunt's pin (from my dad's side....we're all XYZ around here!) was probably one of the all time greatest moments in my life. I
And yes, I admit openly, one reason I chose the school I did was for it's strong XYZ chapter. Not that it was the ONLY reason, my other reason was all the cute boys! (I was 18, give me a break!!!) It never occurred to me that at an SEC school I might not get in. But there were many other "daughters" there at the time.
And yes, if I have a daughter of my own, I hope she's an XYZ too!