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What exactly is a 'parlor fee' ? (I know UMgirl said that its a fee for girls that don't live in the house, but is that really fair ? )
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This is for girls who do not live in the house. But how it's implemented varies from campus to campus and even house to house on one campus. Sometimes, anyone who does not live in has to pay, period. Sometimes, anyone who doesn't live in and doesn't have a "reason" (ie, lives at home with the 'rents, is an RA), has to pay. Sometimes no one has to pay it if the house is full. Some of these are more fair than others, but the point behind it is usually that the house costs a fixed amount to run, and if girls aren't contributing rent towards it, they could end up short on their bills to the electric company etc.
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What kind of hidden costs might I encounter ? (ie: parties, little/big sisters)
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These are really all questions that vary from campus to campus, so I'd ask once you've picked a school. Formals and dances may be included in the general fees or may not. Usually you're expected to buy a few t-shirts, which are reasonably priced. No one HAS to have a little sister, but if you do, you're expected to buy her gifts, such as a lavalier or sweatshirt.
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Also, if I decide to live in the house what generally if covered in the room & board fee ? (ie: cook, housekeeper, cable, free parking)
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Some houses have cooks, some don't. Sometimes you can choose between the house meal plan and the campus meal plan. Most have parking. Cable, I have no idea.
And on some campuses, no chapters have houses. You just live in the dorms, so all this stuff is moot.
Seriously, my chapter lived in a dorm, so we paid the standard dorm room and board. Dues (once you were initiated) were never over $200, although formal and date party were extra. At some campuses, dues alone can be more than $1000 a semester.
Check out the Greek life sites at the universities you are considering for a better idea.