[AOII Angel]

I think people have given you great advice. You likely still have several weeks until initiation. In that time, I urge you to take an active part in your chapter. Make the effort to find all the answers to your questions...not by asking strangers on GC who have no chance in hell of knowing the answers but by asking the sisters. They won't kick you out or bite your head off for asking pertinent questions! Make the effort to get to REALLY know your sisters. It sounds like you've dismissed them entirely because they were your third choice. Get over yourself...your top two didn't want you so stop dreaming about them and give the girls a chance who have given you a chance. If after you've made this effort, you realized that it's not for you, depledge. You'll then not have to wonder what if when you think back at your college years.