Quote:
Originally Posted by PrettyBoy
No, I don't know her, or anything about your relationship, but if you two have been together for a while like you say you have then she shouldn't be as insecure as you're making her sound. She should support your decision to join.
No I can't promise you or her anything, but yeah, I do think she's going to dump you dude. Bold statement? Well, you asked for honest opinions here, so I gave you mine and I'm not sugar coating anything. I'm just telling you whats going to happen. I hope it doesn't, but she sounds shakey as hell to me.
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My boyfriend went to college a year ahead of me. His school had deferred rush, and I spent the entire first semester nervous that he was going to cave in to the pressure to be Greek at this school (I believe something like 40% of this school's men join a fraternity).
Anyway, we made it through January without him rushing, and I was so relieved that he was going to remain independent. Then one day, he tells me that he's going to a fraternity to watch a basketball game. The next weekend, he was going to a barbecue at the fraternity. Turns out, a newer fraternity on campus had had a disappointing rush, and was looking to extend some snap bids. They extended one to my boyfriend, and he accepted.
I was so incredibly upset. I knew for sure that the fraternity was going to take over his life, that he was going to meet some glamorous sorority girl at a mixer and ditch me, that he was going to become some raging alcoholic who only wanted to party. We had a couple fights about it, and I have to admit that I was not very understanding at first about his pledging obligations.
However, as the weeks wore on, he introduced me to a few brothers. I went to one of their parties with him and had a great time (and reveled in telling all of my high school friends that I had "been to a frat party" that weekend). My parents even extended my curfew so that I could go to his fraternity formal. I began to realize what a great time he was having and how much this so-called "brotherhood" that I had mocked and dismissed was adding to his college experience. That summer, after thinking long and hard about it, I signed up for sorority recruitment at my own (different) college. I pledged a sorority and had an absolutely wonderful experience that I wouldn't have had if my boyfriend had listened to me and not pledged his fraternity. And I should probably also mention that my boyfriend and I celebrated our six year anniversary this summer.
Now, I'm not saying that your girlfriend is going to go out and rush a sorority, or that she'll even come around as quickly as I did, if she comes around at all. However, I did want to share my personal experience so that you would know that a girlfriend's aversion to the idea of her boyfriend joining a fraternity is not an automatic death knell to the relationship. As long as you include her as much as you can, introduce her to other brothers' girlfriends, make sure you spend whatever alone time you can with her, reassure you that the fraternity is not your sole priority, etc., it can be done, and done well. Good luck!