[AnatraAmore]

The Beginning of the End:

Sure enough, right around 11pm, the phone rang. My Rho Chi called to let me know that I had been released from recruitment. She offered to submit my information to the Greek Office so that I could participate in COB and/or Informal to which I said okay.

I was upset, but not totally surprised. Something had just told me that it wasn’t right. I decided to swear off sororities. Maybe my best friend was right, they’re dumb anyway. The hardest part was helping Roomie to get ready the next night when she Pref’ed Funshine and Cheer. Meanwhile, I realized I had lost my ID somewhere along my travels. I headed out to the fields where we practiced, figuring that it must have fallen out of my bag after practice. When I arrived, I noticed a large group of people off to the side and decided to check out what it was. Big mistake. It turned out to be Bedtime Bear’s Preference Ceremony… the one I had hoped to be at. As I got back on the bus to head to my dorm, I began to cry hysterically. When Roomie returned, she was so full of excitement I didn’t want to burst her bubble, so I listened to her babble on and on about how great of a time she had and that she wouldn’t mind being a member of either one and on and on. Finally, we fell asleep.

The next day, she went to pick up her bid and was excited to receive a bid to join Funshine!!! She came back that night with a basket of goodies and a t-shirt. Sororities at our school also decorated doors, so when she opened the door, I was again confronted by more things that reminded me that I wasn’t good enough to be in a sorority. Roomie was going out to a bid night festivity with her new sisters. As she got ready, we talked and I assured her that I would be fine. Just because I wanted to rip all the decorations off the door and burn them, that didn’t make me bitter, right?

After she left, I was so lonely and depressed. I didn’t even know what to do with myself. A few minutes later there was a knock at the door. My RA came up to talk to me. She explained that she knew I was upset and it was okay if I felt I couldn’t talk to her about that topic. There was another female RA on the 5th floor who would be available if I needed to talk. I thanked her for visiting. Some people from down the hall came and we went and walked the city until we were so tired that we couldn’t walk anymore.

Roomie knew I was still struggling to deal with my disappointment and she was very supportive, but it was hard, constantly watching her go out and be happy with her new sisters and we did begin to grow apart. At the end of October, I had a family issue and found out that I had to move home at the end of the semester. I was crushed. That week also happened to be Big/Lil week, so Roomie was getting awesome presents each day left anonymously from her Big Sister left in our room. So, in addition to being upset about having to transfer home, I was also again confronted with my rejection from sorority life. (Which I had convinced myself that it was dumb and I didn’t want to be a part of anyway…)

Then one day that week, something strange happened. Our room was decorated by Carrie’s big sister, but my side was done too. Each day she got goodies and I got something too! Usually it was a note or a little stuffed animal, but it made me feel so much better and more included that someone was thinking of me. To this day, I don’t know if it was Roomie doing it or her Big Sister (who turned out to be our RA) – but it made me see that I really wanted to be a part of Greek Life and I was hoping to check it out when I transferred home to Bridgewater…