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trid-
I believe your chapter is doing it right. As far as I am aware most, if not all the NPC chapters have similar affiliate guidelines. The member needs to let the chapter know she'd like to affiliate, then there's a one month probationary period, then the chapter votes to allow her to affiliate. I think they're still allowed to attend meetings and stuff but can't do things like vote or hold office during that time.
I don't think of it as cruel. Would you want some random sister coming in and voting on new members, or holding office if you don't know her well? It's kinda sorta like pledging again, except she'll still be a sister no matter the outcome of the vote.
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