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LEGACIES
Guess I opened a can of worms with that post about the highly-recommended legacy and her mother! I felt it belonged here because you are all talking about doing away with legacy info. and all that.
I actually WAS in the room, at least the room with my wife when the call came because it was my daughter who was in the middle of all this.
I lived through the phone calls and all that went with them. I can shed a little more light on it I think. When my wife was in the middle of the installation of the chapter she helped found, the whole national team was in our home. My daughter, who was in high school, shared her bathroom with travelling consultants. She personally met the whole national officer team and they--at that point--said that they were impressed with her and that the president (not her title) wanted to personally write the rec. for my daughter wherever she went, if they had a ___ chapter.
From the first party, something was wrong. My daughter called after first round (more than 9 parties) and said that she felt like she'd made a friend at every party except for ___. Her quote was, "If I walked across campus, I now could speak to someone from every chapter except for __." My wife and I both felt that she was maybe reading it wrong.
She was invited back to the max for second round, including two "old guard" houses that many other girls were cut from. We knew little about Old South rush, but one girl said to her, "You are so lucky to be going back to ___; they even cut so-and-so from Dallas!" Anyway, in all this, she definitely began to consider other houses, considering her "funny feeling" about my wife's GLO.
Day before pref. we go the call from her, not the chapter. That came hours later from the visiting field rep. who found the the rec.letters for her and some other girls in an envelope on the kitchen table. The girls (or alums!) had not wanted her to see them during the voting the night before. My daughter was invited back to AMAZING houses, and had been cut only by my wife's house. We talked it over and she chose 3 houses for pref. My wife, of course, was devastated, so I stayed on the phone to talk to my daughter.
I can tell you all that it made me see a whole new side of her. "Daddy," she said, "I'm not so mad they cut me, but how could they treat Mom like this? She's given years to ___; how could they disrespect her like that and use me?" I WAS SO PROUD THAT SHE WAS ANGRY AND HURT FOR MY WIFE, NOT FOR HERSELF.
I asked her where her heart was and she told me ___. This was a house that I knew was a top house. I know you all hate the "tiers" thing, but even when we visited campus, it was apparent particular house was very highly regarded. Interestingly enough, her mom's GLO was considered very average really; we both picked up on it in fact.
So--(and you'll all hate me for this)--I TOLD HER TO SUICIDE ___. I asked her if she'd be happy anyplace else and she said NO. She decided if she did not get it, she'd go thorough rush the next semester. I left it at that and did not tell my wife.
Horrifyingly enough, the next day (Saturday) my wife hosted 12 alumni sororoity women for a training session for her chapter. Can you imagine how that felt for her? She kept it together and told the women who asked that she did not know yet what our daughter was going to do.
That evening I told her that I told our daugter to suicide ___. Of course she had a fit, but I said that after all she'd gone through, she deserved her first choice and that was where her heart was. At about midnight we were still lying in bed awake and my wife said, "What if she gets nothing? Everyone on her floor is rushing; she will be so alone."
You guessed--we got up at 5 AM and drove the 4+ hourse to her school. We called her for breakfast and told her that we just wanted to surprise her and see how the "rush run" went---(not even mentioning that we had other motives!). Well---after we went back to her dorm before noon, the phone rang and it was Panhellenic---SHE GOT HER FIRST CHOICE!!
We were so thrilled for her: she cried, my wife cried, and I went in the bathroom and cried! I think quota was 48 or 50.
We drove around looking at all the decorated houses and when we drove by my wife's GLO she said, "Well, that's their loss!" We drove home exhausted but much relieved.
The next evening the phone rang and it was the National President. In short, here is what she said: ___ chapter made up their minds they were not going to have your daughter shoved down their throat. She said it would not have mattered who she was. She said when she called the house after the field rep. had told her what happened with her rec. letter, she said her husband had to make her hang up she was so furious!
We both were able to laugh about it after that. Yes, my wife's heart was broken and yes--my daughter got in the middle of what we guys call a "pissing match." But she had found her home and--in retrospect--it was a great fit for her.
She has been out of college for three years and had an AMAZING GREEK EXPERIENCE!! She loved her sisters and was invited to visit them in California, Texas, and Connecticut, places she would never have gone otherwise. She was in one wedding in Phoenix and one in Houston. She also attened one sister's wedding in the Bahamas! We also had her sisters come to the Midwest to visit here here!
In the long run, she found her home and had such an amazing rush for a "little Northern girl." I know this is L-O-N-G, but I wanted to tell you the whole story. We are now--and have been--a three Greek family and are proud of it. My wife continued to advise her local chapter for two more years, and the next summer at convention got a huge award as an Outstanding Advisor. I'll never forget when she came home she threw it on the bed and said, "Well, here's the payoff for ____." It an awful thing to say, but we both felt it. I don't mean she hates her own group, but now is very careful about writing recs. In fact, she at one time functioned as local rec. chair for our area. She did resign that in a hurry!
For those of you who write those RUSH THREADS, this was a short one! Here is the only hint I will give you. The day after we returned home, on a Monday, I called a flower shop near her campus and sent her a big bouquet of her sorority flowers---it was meant to be, I guess, she always did love blue irises!
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