Ok next update. It would have been sooner but some scum of life broke into my car last night so I've been talking to the police all morning
So I had just opened my bid card and I was standing there crying. My Rho Chi asked if I was ok and I completely ignored her and turned and walked out of the room. Even though I had a very strong feeling that this would be the outcome, actually seeing it in writing was like a huge punch in the gut. I stood in the hall frozen. Everyone else was jumping and hugging and squealing and I just felt like an outsider. I thought about just going back to my room but I really didn’t want to be rude to the girls at Giverny because they didn’t deserve that. My other Rho Chi came out in the hall to see where I had gone and I asked her if it was possible that there was a mistake and that I should be in Marseille. She gave me a pitying look and said no but that I should be happy because I got a bid from a great house. I think she knew immediately that just saying that wouldn’t be enough to convince me as I was still sobbing uncontrollably. She told me that even though they weren’t my first choice she knew that I’d grow to love them. She also said something that I later found to be very true, which was how it was hard to know a house after just one week of rush parties and that the house’s true colors would come out after bid day. I asked her why I had been cut by Marseille and especially Bordeaux. She said there could be tons of reasons, in the case of Marseille it might have just been a numbers issue but with Bordeaux for whatever reason they didn’t think I’d be happy in their house. I still remember those exact words because I wanted to scream “I’M THE ONE WHO GETS TO DECIDE WHAT HOUSE I’LL BE HAPPY IN, NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND!!” I just couldn’t get over how unfair it all was.
But then I realized there were a lot of people staring at me standing there crying and I definitely didn’t want them to take pity on me. Maybe if I at least pretended like this is what I wanted people wouldn’t think I was a loser. I put on the most stoic look as I could, told my Rho Chi I would go to bid day, and ran to join my new sisters.
Caroline came running out to meet me and gave me a huge hug and almost knocked me over. She said “I heard that you were preffing Marseille and I was so scared you would choose them over us! I’m so excited you’re here!” I felt pretty guilty for lying but I said “yeah, I really liked Giverny. I’m really happy.”
I was showered with gifts and hugs all day but never got over my crappy feeling. When I went back to my room none of my quad mates were there and I figured they were all out celebrating with their new sisters. I cried myself to sleep that night.
Over the next week we had several parties with the fraternities, sisterhood events, and new member meetings. I thought they were fun and liked the girls in my pledge class but still desperately wished I could be a Bordeaux or Marseille. In hindsight those first few days I don't even think I gave the girls a fair chance because all I could think about was what the girls in Bordeaux and Marseille were doing. Every time I’d see someone from my hall with their bid day tshirts or bags from any of the other groups I couldn’t help but ask myself what they had that I didn’t that made the houses like them. I wondered what I had done wrong, and the fact that I didn’t even know what went wrong made me even more self-conscious than I had been before rush started.
I knew I could never get over losing out on Bordeaux or Marseille so I made the decision to drop out and rush again the next year.
I'll finish up the story this afternoon or tonight depending on when I have time to get my thoughts together enough to wrap it up!