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After dedicating as many years of my life to my sorority in numerous (somewhat high profile) positions, I certainly would hope that I would be notified if my daughter was released from an Alpha Gam chapter. I would want to work through my own disappointment before having to help her deal with hers. If the kid continues on the path she's on now (4.0 GPA, marching band, Girl Scout, National Junior Honor Society and active in her church youth group and gets along with just about everybody she meets), she'd be an asset to any chapter. Granted, she'll probably go to a northern school where there are NOT more legacies going through recruitment than quota, so that wouldn't be an issue. As of right now, she very much wants to be an Alpha Gam, but she is also considering schools that don't have Alpha Gam chapters. It's entirely possible that she would choose a different group herself, but it would be nice if it was her choice!
As far as the school's argument that they wouldn't want her to be alone when she found out, in most of the recruitment stories we see on here, people sit at home waiting to see if they get "the phone call" that they have been released or didn't get a bid. Most of those women are alone when they find out, so I don't see how this is different. Additionally, if the mother/grandma/etc. is notified ahead of time, they could potentially be there to help the woman with the situation.
In my experience, the phone call that is made doesn't tell the person specifics about why the legacy was released so you're not really sharing private membership selection information. You're simply letting the initiated member know before the PNM finds out. It's a courtesy.
ETA: I'm only talking about legacies, not every woman recommended. If I wrote a rec for someone, I would not expect a phone call. For my daughter though? You bet I would expect one!
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