[tld221]

Originally Posted by Still BLUTANG

from a post I made earlier in the "ghetto weddings" thread:

Oh my goodness. Y'all have some funny stories. Here's mine:

My college roomate grew up in the same town I attended school. She still kept in touch with her people from high school who didn't go to college or remained in the area, so i kinda "hung out" with all of them when i wanted to get away from the campus crowd. SO.... our 1st year the roomate's ex-boyfriend made it known that he was going to try to reconcile with her, but she gave him no play. His retaliation: MARRYING ANOTHER GIRL THEY WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL WITH.

No one took them seriously, so my roomate was like, I'll do anything to get u out of my life In about two weeks time, all the planning was done. We throw the girl a bridal shower and a bachelorette party because we were bored one weekend, and these two fools get married the next day in the bride's parents home. She comes down the stairs to K-Ci and JoJo's "All My Life" and is wearing her PROM DRESS... i lie to you not! the prom pictures were still on the mantle / altar. Her father officiates the wedding and that doesn't seem to bad right? WRONG!

This man stops the wedding to ask if the groom knows Jesus as his personal Lord and Savior... and we waited for him to respond.

and waited
.
.
.

and waited
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.
.

I was in there CRYIN b/c the groom had this look on his face like, umm... can i get back to u on that? So after a definite pause, the bride's father / minister just starts praying and in the prayer says that this marriage will not be accepted in the Kingdom unless the groom repents and opens up his heart! We prayed for like 30 minutes until the groom finally realizes that this man was NOT going to finish the ceremony until he prayed the "Prayer of Salvation"... we were in the living room / church CRYING b/c we were trying to hold our laughter and the bride's father/ minister and other family members thought we were "moved by the Spirit"... after the wedding - the Bride gets into an argument with her father, gets her things from her bedroom, and declares, "I'm leaving! Don't ask when I'll be back!" and storms out of the house. Now we were laughing out loud and i had to run to the car b/c this mess was the absolute worst! So obviously, there is no reception. what do we do after the wedding you ask? We drive through the city (a caravan of like 5 cars full of college students and recent H.S. graduates) running red lights, honking our horns and blinking our lights, and we end up at the groom's apartment. Before we walk in the door he was like, "Hold on y'all, I promised my wife i would do this for her"... the groom runs into the house and turns on the stereo to DMX - Get At Me Dog and the proceeds to carry his bride over the threshold. We all enter the house and the newlyweds were like, "Make yourselves comfortable. Y'all can check the refigerator or order some pizza or something. We're about to have our honeymoon."
I had honestly blocked this ENTIRE weekend from memory until i started reading these posts. Thanks GC for giving me a good laugh for the rest of the week!

Originally Posted by SWTXBelle

Okay, reading y'alls reminds me of two more . (I think being greek means you have more weddings to go to, hence more stories).

One of my sisters was getting married on Galveston Island in Texas. She was married in beautiful Victorian-era St. Patrick's Cathedral. The bride and bridesmaids came to the wedding in a trolley with a big sign that said "Get me to the church on time!" So far - cute!
So we are in this gorgeous, recently restored cathedral. The organ starts, and a high-pitched nasally soprano starts singing. "OOOOOOOO. . .my loooooooove, my daaaaarrrlliiinnng, I've hungered for your touch . . . " Yep, "Unchained Melody". We are stifling giggles in the Gamma Phi section. Next up - "Ave Maria". The bride had had medical problems as a child, and the Virgin Mary was her patron saint. She had a bouquet to lay at the feet of a lovely carved statue of Our Lady at the front of the cathedral. Somehow, no one had noticed that Lisa is about 5' tall, and the foot of the statue is about 6' off the ground. She attempts to place the bouquet - no luck. She jumps - again, no dice. Finally a groomsman comes to her aid.
The reception was at Moody Gardens, and very tasteful. HOWEVER - she had an "undersea" theme, and the centerpieces included long, tall vases with goldfish. Real goldfish. Who had apparently been there some time, without enough oxygen. Dead fish at the wedding is not a good thing.

I have a thing about weddings that are taken over by the photographer. I was at a wedding for a fraternity brother of my (ex) husband. After 30 minutes of sitting and waiting for the happy couple to emerge from pictures, we left, went to a bar, had a few drinks and went back. The groom wasn't thrilled, but I think you have an obligation to let your guests at least go get a seat in the church hall and have some punch while you take a bizillion pictures. We went back, behaved ourselves, and ate our sheet cake and drank our Hawaiian Punch.

Originally Posted by AChiOhSnap

Neither of these happened at weddings I actually attended, but people still get a kick out of them. Here are the two bad wedding stories...

1. I worked as a receptionist in a chiropractic office in high school. One patient that regularly came in was very much a hick. I don't mean to be mean, because she was a very nice lady. However, she was straight up redneck: we would have to remind her not to go barefoot around in our office because her feet were gross and unsanitary, and she would always post-date her payments to us about a week (because she was always just one step ahead of overdrawing her account and the collections agency) until we started demanding she pay in cash, etc. etc.

Anyway, this woman -- we'll call her Dawnna -- was incredibly friendly and always eager to share the goings on of her life to the office staff. One day came in with pictures from her half-sister's wedding. Nobody knew Dawnna's sister or anything, but we were happy to look at the pictures. I guess whatever Dawnna's social condition was ran in the family: it was the most atrocious wedding I've ever seen.

Dawnna's sister, Shawnna, was 8mos pregnant which is fine, whatever, I don't look down on pregnant women getting married except the princess seamed dress actually actually splitting at the seams because it hadn't be altered correctly. Not to mention the fact that Shawnna was significantly overweight and the spaghetti straps were far too tight and cutting into her shoulders. However, Shawnna had apparently found the money to make one alteration to her dress: in honor of her unborn baby, Shawnna got a gigantic butterfly tattooed from shoulder to shoulder and down to her mid back. She had her seamstress alter the dress to make it backless in order to showcase her butterfly tat.

The cake: the bride and groom's senior pictures (not a picture of the two of them together, but side-by-side senior pictures scanned onto the cake. Mullets and all.) The bridesmaids: the bride was only 18 and 7 months out of high school, so she had all the bridesmaids re-wear their prom dresses. The ceremony: performed by Shawnna and Dawnna's dad (who was a minister) under one of those horrific balloon arches in the VFW hall. Reception: VFW hall with cheese 'n' cracker platter. Standing room only. The guests: Many high school friends, drunkenly packed into the very tiny VFW hall. Flasks abounded in the pictures.

Dawnna, naturally, got misty-eyed when showing us the pictures saying it was the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen. Good for Dawnna, I bet it was fun. Later on that year, Dawnna made me and the other staffers Christmas ornaments made out of -- I shit you not -- dried applesauce formed into a heart shape. I don't get it either. But bless Dawnna, she really was a very sweet woman.

2. Through college, I worked summers as a receptionist at a local country club. The country club is located in a very tony zip code of a very wealthy suburb, so you'd think that weddings there would be the epitome of class and style, and most were. One wedding, however, was so indescribable that I actually had to call a friend to "run something over" to my work so he could see it for himself....

This woman, let's call her Julie, was getting married for the second time. She had one attendant, her 11 year old daughter from a previous marriage. I knew something was going to go horribly wrong when the catering manager stopped by my desk a half-hour before Julie's ceremony was supposed to start in the club garden. The catering manager exasperatedly complained that she didn't think the bride and groom were going to "go through with it" and stomped off in frustration. Ooooh boy, I thought, I'm in for good old-fashioned freakshow. And I was not disappointed.

The highlights:
- Julie's and her fiance went through the ceremony with the minister but the fiance refused to sign the marriage license.
- Julie's 11 y.o. daughter flounced into the reception in a pink mini-dress with those ripped-up looking handkerchief hems (you could see her butt when the wind blew). The dress had S&M style metal rings down the front, with a white lace ribbon criss-crossed through. Great for an adult halloween costume, totally inappropriate for a preteen. The daughter actually told me she didn't like the dress but her mom picked it out for her.
- Julie and the fiance spent the majority of the reception screaming at each other on the club patio while the minister tried to mediate.
- At one point, Julie walked by my desk and through tears demanded that I call her a cab so she could leave. Julie's dad marched over to me, pointed a finger in my face and growled "Don't you dare call that cab." I smiled politely and told them I was going on my dinner break and I would be happy to do whatever it was they decided when I got back.
- Julie's fiance finally, FINALLY signed the license after two hours of screaming, but not before the best man drunkenly tried to punch the minister because the minister wasn't "minding his own business." The minister quickly ran out.
- One guest brought an escort. An actual bonafide prostitute. I know she was an escort because she wore a 1980s red taffeta minidress with a sequined halter bodice, was at least 50 years old and incredibly haggard looking, and asked her date (decked out in his finest Don Johnson "Miami Vice" gear) "what do you do for a living, honey?" Totally awesome.
- One poor old woman started choking on the chicken dinner at the reception. The heimlich worked, but I still had to dial 911. The paramedics pretty much broke up the party. The bride left in tears.
I LOVE bad weddings!

OMFG, ROTFLMAO, GTFOOHWTBS i am dying over here! i have tears in my eyes and because i can't laugh as loud and as hard as i want to i am practically dying in my cube!!!!!!!!!