[DST Love]

Let me say that I will definitely be a stay at home mom when I have children. My boyfriend and I have already decided this. My mother stayed at home with all of us, while my father worked. (And my father still spent a lot of time with us as well since he worked swing shifts.) I personally believe that if God is blessing me with a life to raise then it is MY responsibility to do so. No one else's. I don't want to not be able to fix my family a good breakfast every morning and walk and stay with my child at the bus stop and make sure they're safe. I want to be there when they get home from school (and not be tired), help them with their home work, play with them. Before my child is in school, I want to be able to take my child to the park on a Tuesday afternoon, hug them in the middle of the day when they have a nightmare during their afternoon nap or go meet Daddy for lunch, take them to the library (like my Mom used to do), instead of waiting for Saturday to do all this as well as the things I need to do for myself or getting home from work in the weekday about 6 or 7pm and being too tired to devote energy to both my husband and children. I also want to be a roommother for my children (you know, bring treats to and participate in activities at my children's school for holiday parties), just like my mom was. Also since I will be devoting my day time to my children, then I can devote more time to my husband when he gets home from work. So many people stop being able to work at their marriage when they have children due to working all day, then getting home and being tired, and having a few hours left in the night to divide between each other and their children. I just don't want it like that. I also will have more time to keep my body in shape by chasing my children around the house all day or working out while they nap instead of sitting at a desk all day. I plan to go back to work when my children are about 8 - 10 years when they'll be able to go and probably want to go to afterschool activities. Children grow up so fast and before you know it they don't want to even be bothered with the parents after a while. So I definitely want to cherish all of the moments I can as well as using every opportunity I can to instill in them everything they'll need to be responsible adults.

I always remember when I was younger and this girl saying that she wished her mother could come to more of her activities as much as my mom did. But her mother always worked or was tired.

I feel you can only be dependent in this situation if that is your personality to begin with. Right now I am an accountant with my own place and in very good financial standing due to how I handle investing, purchases, savings, etc. I take complete care of myself. With God's will, I don't plan to have children until about 29 or 30. Thus giving me and my boyfriend (future husband) time to devote to each other, be selfish, time for us both to save more money to enable me to stay at home more comfortably financially. Like I say, when people are ready to buy a house or car, they don't just wake up and go buy one. They make sure that they are financially ready to take on the responsibility. If I would do that for a material object that can be destroyed and replaced, why would I not do that and then some for my child who is irreplaceable?

Now I don't understand the statement that someone posted regarding losing their skills if they stayed at home. If you have it, you have it. And if your husband leaves, then just do what you have to do. Go out and get a job like you had before the children. Again, it's all about personality. Don't let yourself become totally dependent. I just don't understand why people would feel like they would suddenly become dependent if they learned how to be independent in the first place. Taking care of yourself is just not something you should forget how to do or throw away.

The dependent factor of being a stay at home to me is irrevelant if you do what you're supposed to do before you get married and have children. That is make sure that you are strong spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically, and financially. And also take time to be selfish so you're children won't suffer from your regrets. If you never learned how to take care of yourself, live for yourself, etc., then you will be dependent on your husband. If I have been maintaining my own home, working, investing, paying bills, taking on other responsibilities for myself, how can I suddenly lose all of that just because I am staying home with and taking care of my children? Besides, I don't know about anyone else, but I plan to still be a very active partner in my home and marriage for the 10 years I am at home. I'm definitely not a dependent personality.
Right now I am not married or do not have children because I like being a little selfish and need to still learn some things for myself. But once I am married and have children, then it is time for me to put my children's needs first.

Sorry for the long post.